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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 217 - Sept 17
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Celestial Reviews 217 - September 17, 1997
Note: Occasionally good writers stop writing stories for this newsgroup. If
you rarely or never respond to authors, then THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
What in the world do you think keeps an author going? You can call it ego or
whatever you want to call it. I call it the Blow Job Principle. Simply
stated, if a person expects to get a second blow job, the recipient should
make the giver glad to have performed the first. Applied to these stories,
if you like a story, take the trouble to say so.
Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to improve.
If they give up and go away, that's fine with me. But there are good
writers who have already abandoned this newsgroup and others who will do so,
because there's nothing in it for them.
I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors. But if you enjoy a story
that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the author some
feedback? I don't think most authors want idle flattery; but they write
stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction - for example, they
may want to make people happy. They'll never know they have succeeded unless
somebody tells them so.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"The Ass Bandit" by Unknown Author (anal rape) 6, 4, 4
"Third Rock from the Sun" by Unknown Author (sitcom
parody) 8, 4, 4
"You Big, Me Doll" by SueNH (sexy dream & doll sex)
10, 8, 8
"The Bathtub" by Unknown Author (romance &
exhibitionism) 9, 9, 9
"BathTime" by Unknown Author (romantic evening)
6, 6, 6
"The Surprise" by Unknown Author (bdsm fantasy)
10, 6, 5
"Band Practice" by Unknown Author (brief affair) 10, 8, 7
"M1ke Hunt is the Greatest writer in the world" by Sugar N
Spice (lingerie sale) 10, 7, 7
Guest Reviews:
"The Chair" by Paola Kathuria (quickie in a chair) 9, 10, 10
"Adsorbing Passion" by S.B. Douglass (enigmatic stupidity)
9.5, 10, 3
Reposted Reviews:
* "Kathy" by the BEAR (sensitive concern & pedophilia)
10, 10, 10
* "American Airlines Cockpit" by Mary Anne Mohanraj
(mile high sex) 10, 10, 10
* "Airscrew: Or How I Joined the Six Mile High Club" by Pete Fox
(sex on airplane) 10, 10, 10
* "Aurora Drake" by Mark Aster (hot sex in a mansion)
10, 9, 9
* "Aunt Kate" by Mark Aster (intergenerational sex)
10, 9, 10
* "Appleseed" by Wollstonecraft (forced seduction) 10, 10, 10
* "A Day on the Bay" by Joe Parsons (sex on a boat & mild
bondage) 10, 10, 10
* "Craftsmanship" by SueNH (blowing the glass blower)
10, 10, 10
* "Louvre Love" by Sue (Sex & Fantasy in the Louvre) 9, 7, 8
* "AdventureLand" by Sue.(Amusement park sex) 9, 8, 10
"The Ass Bandit" by Unknown Author (Reposted by who@why.not). The guy enjoys
fucking women in the ass and then killing them if they happen to recognize
him or have clues regarding his identity. That's about all there is to this
story. It's obviously not complete, but I'm not going to be the one that
looks for any more of it.
Ratings for "The Ass Bandit"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
"Third Rock from the Sun" by Unknown Author (Kristen's collection). I found
this listed as "3rd-rock2.txt." Since I like the show, I figured maybe I'd
like the story. Maybe....
First we have Tommy heavy petting with August, but her father comes home
before actual penetration; and so Tommy is in the dumps. However, since Sally
can't find Harry or Dick, she's willing to offer relief to Tommy; and so she
does. This sitcom has huge potential for a sexual parody, but this story
falls short; it's just a fairly juvenile story that uses the characters from
the TV sitcom.
Ratings for "Third Rock from the Sun"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
"You Big, Me Doll" by SueNH (Repost by Bookman Archives
<readebks@wolfenet.COM>). SueNH used to be one of the most prolific and most
popular authors on this newsgroup. I have not seen any new writings by Sue
in nearly a year. I hope she returns: I find her stories often to be a
model of excellent story development. I am also reposting reviews of three
more of her stories that have recently been reposted by Bookman Archives.
The present story is one of Sue's earliest attempts. It describes Sue having
a dream in which her lover is normal size and she has shrunk to the size of a
tiny doll - a la "Honey, I Lost the Kids" or (at a higher level of
sophistication) "Gulliver's Travels." It may sound difficult for an itty
bitty woman to have sex with a huge mother of a guy {note the unusual but
legitimate use of the word "mother"}, but Sue does all right, even without
full vaginal penetration.
This isn't Sue's best story, but it's still interesting. If you want a much
sexier story by this author, try "Craftsmanship," which is reviewed below.
Ratings for "You Big, Me Doll"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"The Bathtub" by Unknown Author (Repost by Bookman Archives
<readebks@wolfenet.COM>). This is one of those tales of the everyday
housewife, who slaves her ass off all day in return for the love of husband.
The husband shows his appreciation by whisking his princess off to a
romantic getaway while sis takes care of the kids. Sounds hokey; but hey, it
works for some people!
This story starts out the way our mothers would have liked it in their
romantic dreams - except, of course, that mothers don't have romantic dreams
or sex. Then it gets into some pretty heavy exhibitionism - another one of
those things that would be repulsive to moms all over the world. This is
really pretty hot stuff. I'd like to know who wrote it. It seems distinctly
possible to me that this story was originally posted under a different title,
because the present title is not really appropriate.
Ratings for "The Bathtub"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"BathTime" by Unknown Author (Repost by Bookman Archives
<readebks@wolfenet.COM>). The couple are spending a quiet evening together,
and she goes out of the way to make it nice for him - scented candles, warm
bath, luxurious caresses - and he reciprocates. The grammar is largely
incoherent, but there is a kernel of a romantic evening in this story.
Ratings for "The Bathtub"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"The Surprise" by Unknown Author (Bookman Archives <readebks@wolfenet.COM>).
Maybe it's because plots like this all seem to be the same to me, but I'm
almost certain that I have seen this story before under another title -
possibly as part of a longer story. Certainly, the rationale for why a woman
would enjoy this kind of sex is missing; but that's often the case in bdsm
stories. If anyone recognizes the real title or author of this story, I
would like to hear from you.
The story is about a yuppie who makes a big sale and decides to celebrate by
making his wife happy by inflicting pain on her for his self-gratification.
I have heard this sort of story over and over again, and I am starting to
come to the conclusion that it is mostly an adolescent male fantasy that
extends into adulthood for guys who have really inflated egos. I HAVE read
bdsm stories that I thought were sexy, but this one doesn't quite make it.
It's just a lengthy recitation of the usual litany of bdsm lines. The guy
makes her beg for sex, punishes her for having her lipstick on wrong, and
behaves like a general asshole; but the woman really loves it. Maybe if you
have a predisposition to like bdsm stories you'll enjoy this one a lot more
than I did.
Ratings for "The Surprise"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Band Practice" by Unknown Author (Reposted by Bookman Archives
<readebks@wolfenet.COM>). The guy has joined a community band, hoping to pick
up chicks. He's been unlucky, because the only girl to whom he is attracted
doesn't even know that he exists. But then one night his luck changes: she
says she's been lusting for him forever and will he please fuck her. They
exchange fucks and eventually break up.
The story is clearly written, but it's not really exciting. Maybe there's a
song or something in this story.
Ratings for "Band Practice"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"M1ke Hunt is the Greatest writer in the world" by Sugar N Spice
(mzdemeanor@hotmail.com). Is it conceivable that an author would make up a
title for a story that has nothing whatsoever to do with the story? Would
the author do this in a vain attempt to suck innocent readers and reviewers
into reading that story? And if so, would a reputable reviewer actually
review the story after she realize she had been duped?
This is not a story about a woman who goes into a Victoria's Secret shop and
finds Mike Hunt masturbating in the dressing room. Even if that were what
this story is about, she would not watch Mike threw the crack in the stall
and then engage in clever repartee with him when she was discovered, nor
would the salesgirl join them for a threesome but then leave when Mark Aster
and Aurora Drake arrived for their appointment with the chocolate syrup and
whipped cream.
In fact, I'm not going to tell you what this story is about.
Ratings for "M1ke Hunt is the Greatest writer in the world"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"The Chair" by Paola Kathuria (paola@arcglade.demon.co.uk) Guest review by
Anne747.
My challenge is to write a review shorter than the story today. I'm only
being somewhat serious actually. This piece is in reality a short hot story
about a couple having sex in a chair. It works pretty well, giving a very
good hot scene. There are a few times that the wording is a little awkward,
but that problem is fairly minor.
The only thing I would like is a little more description of the couple.
About all we learn is that she has full breasts, and that she has pubic
hair. The piece could have been so much better with just a little more
description of touches. Is his skin slick with sweat? It is smooth, or can
she feel his muscles as she rides him? Is her hair short, or do her long
strands curl over her skin? Just a little more description could add so much
more to this piece.
Ratings for "The Chair"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Adsorbing Passion" by S.B. Douglass. {Note: I thought the title was a typo,
but after checking out the story, I decided to leave it this way - Celeste.}
Guest review by Mike Hunt. {Now I'll owe Mike a favor!}
Weird. There's just no other word. Weird. I don't know where these stories
come from. I don't want to know. Remember Eli's now infamous "Baby on a Train
Crying"? Want another? Try Adsorbing Passion by S.B. Douglass.
Chock full of typical alt. stars like 'breasts' and 'cocks' and 'orgasms'.
Also with performances by newcomer 'swallowing vomit'.
Special guest appearance featuring 'cannibalism by adsorbtion'.
Unfortunately the scene with 'snot' was excised in the final cut.
Oh, and it has a happy ending. Actually, this is pretty typical Hollywood
stuff, assuming Holly has consumed a barrel of blow and 14 tabs of Orange
Puffy. Perhaps next time the author will try something a little more
original. For instance, 'bloody pus' appears nowhere in this sexual but
otherwise disgusting tale. That's a serious omission when trying to crack the
revolt-o-meter.
Ratings for "Adsorbing Passion"
Urth: (technical quality): 9.5
Youranus: (plot & character): 10
Mikeus: (appeal to reviewer): 3
* "Kathy" by the BEAR. This is a sensitive, well-written story about love
and sex between an older man and his young female friend who becomes his
lover. It contains tenderness, love, commitment and care. In an epilogue,
the author gives the impression that this is based on a true story and
expresses the wish that the two live "relatively happily ever after." I
share that wish.
Since the author obviously wants to apply this to real life, I feel an urge
to express my feelings about the issues he raises. In real life I have been
close friends with a young person that experienced almost exactly the same
relationship as the one described in the story - only it was a young boy with
his kindly and loving teacher. They were eventually discovered; and the
teacher lost his job and the boy is still sexually confused nearly ten years
later. Although some of our society's sexual taboos are silly and it's
exciting to break them, there's a reason behind some of our taboos. When
actions like those of the man in this story become public and are based on
less than perfect motivations, we are usually shocked an disgusted by the
"exploitations" of a "dirty old man." In my own experiences I have found
that I don't always make objectively wise decisions when I'm naked, aroused,
and rubbing my body against someone; and so having a rule against certain
behaviors is a good idea. In addition, I think I would be legitimately upset
if a kindly old man thought that my husband and I were suppressing our
daughters' sexuality and decided to "set her free." The basic problem is
that people with power over young people need to respect their need for
autonomy and growth; and this rules out pedophilia and incest with young
children.
On the other hand, I may be wrong. Some young people may actually find
things like this to be a growth experience. I really do think that
anti-pedophiles (like myself) should consider the possibility that some
people who have sex with young children actually possess some decency and
dignity - instead of just demanding that their cocks be cut off. An objective
reading of a story like this can help us think things out. What I do know is
that I feel lot more comfortable with a great story about erotic sex among
consenting adults (like Backrub's "Showoffs" cited at the beginning of this
review or Sue's "Slippery When Wet," which I reviewed in Celestial Reviews 2)
than with this one. Still, it was an outstanding story. I think it should
be assigned reading for the people over on alt.sex.wizards or one of the
religious groups, where they could use it as the basis for an intelligent
discussion instead of screaming insults at one another about child molesters.
Ratings for "Kathy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "American Airlines Cockpit" by Mary Anne Mohanraj
(moh2@midway.uchicago.edu). This story was reposted by who@why.not without
the name of an author. The author is Mary Anne Mohanraj, who has posted
many, many excellent stories with this newsgroup.
Two college girls (one straight, one bi) are on their way to England for the
Christmas holiday. They're bored, and one of them is afraid of flying. What
can the other girl suggest that might relieve boredom and get her friend's
mind off her acrophobia? The solution lies in a trip to the cockpit, where
they learn the true value of automatic pilot.
The FAA - the organization that tells pilots when and how to do it - would
like me to make it clear that pilots do things like this only under the
relatively rare circumstances when sexy college girls enter the cockpit in
mid-flight, do a striptease, and ask to test the pilots' instruments. The
author does an excellent job of creating ambiance with informal banter that
makes this a really delightful story. This author has a whole collection of
her stories on the Web at http://mud.bsd.uchicago.edu.
Ratings for "American Airlines Cockpit"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Airscrew: Or How I Joined the Six Mile High Club" by Pete Fox (Reposted by
who@why.not). Let me assure you from personal experience that it is indeed
possible and extremely sexy - albeit a bit risky - to accomplish on a largely
empty airliner almost exactly what the narrator of this story claims to have
accomplished. My recommendation, however, is that you try it with someone
you know and trust, since not all female 25-year-old Swedish sales
representatives are likely to be as frisky with strangers or as adept at
their role in clandestine activities as the young lady in this story. I
concur with the author of this story that things go much better under
blankets than within the absurd confines of the 747's toilet facilities.
Ratings for "Airscrew"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Aurora Drake" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). The author sent me this
and the previous story with the comment that he wanted to "get them out of
the way" before he got along to the next six, which he really liked. That
comment made me initially apprehensive, but then I was drawn to this story by
its title. You see, I once used the name Aurora for an anonymous activity
that is not directly related to a full sexual climax on my own part - and
which, therefore, I shall not describe to you at this time. I chose the name
primarily because the week before my escapade I had come across the name
Aurora O'Rourke in the engagement section of a newspaper. Why would parents
give their beautiful daughter a name like that? For me the name evoked the
sound of a really loud fart in the bath tub. I apologize to Ms. O'Rourke for
making this information public; but if she reads this comment, I hope it
encourages her to stay married to and to retain the last name of whomever it
was that she married.
Anyway, I was drawn to this story and was not disappointed. It's a hot
description of a casual encounter between the beautiful and eponymous Aurora
Drake and our genteel stud who plays her furry fiddle and tempts her tummy
with the taste of nuts and honey. Aurora is completely in control; but then
Our Hero is most in control when he is under the control of a beautiful
woman. This story is well written, and the banter between the protagonists
combines with the atmosphere created by the author to give us a really good
story.
Ratings for "Aurora Drake"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Aunt Kate" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). In this episode of "My
Friends the Allens" our Three Amigos have gone to Boston to visit Pat &
Julie's Aunt Kate. While the two younger ladies go into town for some
shopping, our nameless hero stays behind, with instructions to be nice to the
elder Aunt, who must be nearly my own age. When he applies suntan lotion to
Aunt Kate's body, he discovers that there's a tiger in that bathing suit: she
wants him to do the front as well as the back - "as well as" or "even better
than", if you get my drift. To make a long summary short - "the rest of the
visit was very pleasant indeed, and a good time was had by all."
Ratings for "Aunt Kate"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Appleseed" by Wollstonecraft (Reposted by who@why.not). Joey is a rich
guy who is a generally nasty bastard and whose attitude toward girls is not
only to "lay 'em and leave 'em" but also to get 'em pregnant in the process.
This story describes how he routinely exploits teenage girls for this
purpose. The author's style is vivid, and he uses verb tenses in such a way
as to convince us that while he is vividly describing a specific situation he
is really describing Joey's typical behavior.
Actually, he's not really Joey; the guy makes up new names and new cover
stories to suit his particular seductive needs. He finds it especially easy
and enjoyable to pick up religious girls at church activities; they're
invariably extremely gullible. The only constant is that he is an asshole
who wants to get young girls pregnant. He's even scientific about his
process - in one case seducing a pair of identical twins and conducting a
seductive experiment with them in a way that a Nazi genetic engineer might
admire.
Nonconsensual seduction and rape are not funny in the real world. But this
story is very well told and extremely enjoyable. I can't tell you more
details, because a major part of the enjoyment is watching the story unfold.
I strongly recommend this story.
Ratings for "Appleseed"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Skipper and Ginger". {Note: This is actually "A Day on the Bay" by
Joe Parsons. Someone else has posted it under a different title with Joe's
name removed. The story has nothing to do with the Gilligan's island TV
sitcom.}
The woman gets knocked overboard and is then rescued by the skipper of the
craft. They are the only two on board. Since she might experience
hypothermia, he undresses her and puts her into a dry sleeping bag. To share
his warmth with her, he gets naked himself and climbs in with her.
Eventually she expresses her gratitude to the skipper for saving her life,
and then the ship's captain expresses his gratitude to her for expressing her
gratitude. This is a very good story - especially for nautical people and
for Baywatch fans - who will, of course, insert themselves and their favorite
characters into the story line.
Ratings for "A Day on the Bay"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Craftsmanship" by Sue. I always save Sue's stories for a time when I'll
have time to relish and enjoy her imagery. The writers of many of the
previous stories could benefit from reading and imitating Sue's style. (They
could also use the occasion for some private foreplay.) In this story Sue
makes passionate love to the glass blower, after she (literally) blows a
phallus that he later uses to ravage her cunt. Actually, Sue says it better
than I did. If you analyze them really carefully, Sue's fantasies probably
would make no more sense in real life than those in the previous stories.
After all, what sensible girl would want to watch a muscular young man
engaged in his trade, then seduce him by having him help her blow and shape a
glass phallus, then have him insert that still warm phallus into her
well-primed most private parts, then be driven completely out of her mind by
a blazing hot orgasm when he inserts the real thing, then suck his gorgeous
cock that seems to fit so well into the environs of this shop surrounded by
erotic art that her lover has himself produced until he explodes into a
gigantic orgasm that she cannot contain? Or what red-blooded guy would take
delight in being used in this way by a lewd and lascivious woman, interested
in driving her partner into a state of raging ecstasy only because she thinks
that he will respond in a way that will contribute to her own
self-gratification? For that matter, who would even want to read about such
things? Probably only people like those befuddled readers who are tempted
right now to cast this review into temporary electronic oblivion and go find
this hot, sexy story. But somehow, Sue manages to use words and give
rationales that make it all seem worth fantasizing about.
Ratings for "Craftsmanship"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Louvre Love" by Sue. As I started reading this story, I was impressed. I
thought Sue was going to pull off a really erotic story just on the basis of
the art in the Louvre. The girl could look at the guy who's getting a
hard-on while looking at a painting and start blending her thoughts with his.
I said to myself, "I hope she doesn't just have the girl take the guy to the
ladies' room and give him a blowjob." Well, they didn't go to the ladies'
room; they went to an exotic storage room instead. There's a good porn film
by Femme (I don't remember the title; and no, I don't watch a lot of porn)
that contains a sequence of a woman and man in a museum, with the woman
fantasizing what she'd like to do with the man. I was hoping that Sue would
do something similar in this story - bring the protagonists to private
orgasms right there in the museum on the basis of the erotic thoughts they
derive from the artwork. Actually, I'm probably the only one who would like
my version of the story. It must have something to do with those lonely
times in high school when the hottest pictures this horny little girl could
get my hands on were the art paintings with those sensuous gods and
goddesses.
Ratings for "Louvre Love"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "AdventureLand" by Sue. I love theme parks. Disney World in Orlando is an
especially romantic place. In this story, a woman manages to get into the
Pirates of the Caribbean attraction after everyone else has left it. She
masturbates and engages in sexual fantasies with the characters. The punch
line is that one of the characters turns out to be the college kid who runs
the attraction, and he fucks her and slips away before she realizes that he
wasn't part of her imagination. I liked the story a lot. I'm sure there are
religious people somewhere who would be repulsed at the thought of a Disney
employee taking advantage of an innocent customer; but what the hell - this
story takes place in an atmosphere in which the "legitimate" fantasy consists
of fun-loving pirates looting villages and gleefully carrying off the female
prisoners. When I've taken my kids on that ride, I've often mentally noted
that in real life the pirates would have had their sexual jollies with the
women they were chasing. Being captured and raped by a pirate probably wasn't
as much fun as Disney suggests. In real life Disney employees who have sex
with customers who are masturbating with the characters should be fired; just
as pirates who rape and pillage should normally be hanged after a fair
trial. It was fun to read a story in which a modern pirate took advantage of
a damsel. On the downside, you really do have to stretch your imagination to
buy into the story. But overall, it was just good clean fun.
Ratings for "AdventureLand"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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