Message-ID: <3431eli$9708281058@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: mccoyf@millcomm.com (Frank McCoy) Subject: REPOST: BLAME.TXT 14K "Taking the Blame" (Mf, cons, incest, pedo, preg, sad-story) Newsgroups: alt.sex.incest,alt.sex.stories.incest,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-Id: <199708280150.UAA14312@midas.millcomm.com> Taking the Blame A Sad Story I remember the first time I saw Jennie. My first impression, was, "Oh what a shame!" The little 11-year-old seemed so bright and cheerful that day, I almost couldn't believe that she didn't even seem to know what had been done to her. Well, sadly that's my job. I'm a psychiatrist, that works for the city Human Services Department, and they send me the abused little girls that seem to make up an ever-growing number of our city's children. If you looked, you could almost see the tiny little bulge in the girl's tummy, that advertised the fact that she would probably be a mother, before she was 12 years old. The really sad thing was; Jennie didn't even seem to realize what had been done to her. I mean, she DID know that she was pregnant, it's just that, at that time, the little girl seemed almost proud, that she was carrying her own father's baby inside her, instead of ashamed and frightened, like she should have been. It was my duty to show her, so she could lead a normal life, like I do. I got into this job, because I know what it's like to be raped by a relative, and it gives me insight that other people don't have; especially men. Some people think that a single woman like me isn't the best person to be handling cases involving families, but I've been able to counter that at least I'm a woman. No man could possibly know what it's like to be raped. Besides, could you imagine putting these little girls in the hands of a MAN, after a thing like this? I try to fix things up, but sometimes even I can't do much to undo the damage. It took me three days to win Jennie's confidence, enough that she'd even talk to me. At first she was suspicious of me, figuring I was just another or those so-called court-appointed head-shrinks; trying to help the prosecutor make a case against her father. I had to reassure the little girl, that my duty was to her, not to the state, and that anything she told me couldn't be divulged. Not even to convict her father. As I talked to her, she finally admitted to having sex with her father. Not once, but many times. It had all started, she told me, as she followed her big sister one night; when she saw the older girl sneaking down to their father's bedroom. She told me that once she saw how much fun her older sister had with their father, she insisted on doing the same thing herself. Later, when her big sister got pregnant, she told me how she had bugged her father, until she finally got him to do the same thing to her. Can you imagine the depravity of the man? Not only does he fuck his own little girl; somehow convincing her that she "enjoys" this atrocity, but he abuses her, until she actually BEGS him to get her pregnant. That's something like whipping a man, until he begs you to shoot him. Something I think should be done to men like the one who raped this cute little girl. 1 Of course, Jennie kept insisting that it WASN'T rape, that if anything, SHE raped HIM. God, that's even worse. Can you imagine how much he must have abused the child, to get her to think that having sex with him was a pleasure? And worse yet, she didn't seem to think there was anything wrong, with having her own father's baby. In fact, she seemed quite proud of the fact, almost flaunting her slightly bulging tummy, and saying how much she was looking forward to holding the little boy in her arms, and feeding him from her own body. That a man would do this, to his own little girl, then somehow force her into thinking she LIKED it, is beyond me. For the first few days, hearing the little girl chattering happily away, about how good it felt; how much she liked the idea of being able to give her father another child to love, and even how having sex with her father had made both her and her big sister grow even closer together, almost convinced me. Then reality set in. I mean, a little girl starting to have sex, at 10 years old? There's no WAY a child that young could enjoy sex. I mean, a woman's body isn't ready to have babies, until she's 14 or 15 (Jennie being the rare exception.) If a girl that young is having sex with her father, no matter how much she says she wants it, it must because he's forced her. Probably in some unspeakable manner as well. In a case like Jennie, I figured that her father's abuse must have been so bad, she was even repressing the memory. This made me all the more determined to find out just how bad his abuse had been; to make her think it never happened. I mean ALL men abuse their children to some extent. It's in the nature of being a man. It's just that some men are worse than others; and her father looked to be one of the worst. It took many sessions, but I finally managed to get Jennie to remember how her father had abused her. At first, the little girl insisted that her father had NEVER abused her, but after many sessions, I was able to help her uncover the memories she had repressed so hard. It makes me so mad; to see a little girl so abused, that she can't even remember BEING abused. It was only when I made her dig into her memories, pointing out each little time her father had punished her, and showing her that the times she thought he was showing his love, were just a chance to feel her body, not genuine hugs of affection. I mean, a man isn't supposed to hug his own son; let alone his daughter. I told Jennie, that she should have known that men don't love the same way women do. Any man who pretends to love you, is just dreaming of a way to get in your pants. It's a shame, but true. I remember the first time I found out about men. As I mentioned earlier, I was raped by my uncle, when I was 12 years old. Just a little older than Jennie here. No, he didn't hold a knife to my throat. In fact, his approach was similar to Jennie's father. He made me believe I wanted it. I was just a little girl playing at being sexy, and he encouraged me. In fact, the SOB actually made me feel I wanted it. And you know that's not true. I mean, how can a girl of 12, really want to have sex? Heck, I'm over 35 years old, and barely like it now. 2 Of course, the worst part, was when he got caught. There I was that time, in his bedroom, sliding up and down on his cock while John was lying on his back with his eyes closed. He didn't even know my parents were there, until Momma's screams about him raping me woke the whole neighborhood. Up until that time, I thought a man had to hold a knife or gun to a woman, to rape her. Thankfully Momma taught me different. Momma says I must have been in incredible pain, as I was moaning and screaming and even begging my uncle to cum in me. Can you imagine how much pain I must have felt, to be begging my own uncle to squirt his sperm inside me, just to get it over with? It must have been unbelievably bad, as my mind has blocked out almost everything. Even now, after years of therapy, I still can't make myself remember the pain. It must have been extremely bad, as all I remember is the horrified look on my mother's face, when she came into the room and found me sliding up and down one last time, before her brother filled my womb with incestuous cum. Years later, my memories still almost trick me into thinking it felt good. For a while, I thought my mother was mad at ME. In fact, it wasn't until she got me to press charges against my uncle, that she let up on lecturing me about the evils of sex, and especially with your own relatives. After that, Momma would always make sure everyone knew about how abused I was and how you had to be careful around men. Indirectly, I think that my uncle's raping me, led to my parent's divorce, as my father was trying to make Momma stop protecting me all the time, while Momma knew I had to be sheltered, and taught never to let men touch me in any way. Thankfully, Momma decided that I needed to be protected from men, more than she needed a husband, so they broke up. Can you imagine? My father actually thought I should go to dances and parties, where men actually held the girls in their arms, before I was eighteen. Momma protected me from this kind of sexual abuse, until I turned 21. Then, she told me that being of age, she couldn't legally protect me any more, so she hoped I had learned to do it myself. I think I have. If it hadn't been for Momma, who knows what might have happened? Momma taught me all about men, and what they wanted. I it hadn't been for her, who knows how I might have turned out? Thanks to my mother, I'm the woman I am today. Poor Jennie. It took so much longer than I originally figured it would, to bring up the repressed memories of abuse. At first, she kept insisting, that her father had NEVER hurt her, and that you could hold a gun to his head, and he still wouldn't hurt her. It's a shame to see a little 11-year-old girl brainwashed like that. It was only with the help of hypnosis, that I was finally able to bring the full horror of her abuse to the surface. 3 For those of you not in the psychiatric field, hypnosis is a very suggestible state, where the person being hypnotized will do almost anything to please the hypnotist. A person can be made to imagine they feel no pain, even through having teeth pulled, or to see things that aren't there, or to even forget things, if the subject thinks that will please the hypnotist. It can also be used as a tool to uncover repressed memories. The subject can be asked to remember something, and he or she will search their memory in a manner not possible to a normal person. It was this method, that finally gave me some success with Jennie. At first, even under hypnosis, Jennie insisted that her father had always loved her, and had never hurt her. However, when I asked her to remember times when she at least didn't get her way, she gradually remembered times when he had sent her to bed hungry, then times when he had spanked her. When I encouraged her, I was gradually able to get her to remember worse and worse things he had done to her, at my prompting. After about 5 hypnosis sessions, Jennie finally broke down. Now I finally had her remembering these horrible things that her father had done to her. (Some of which are just too horrible to tell here. It's absolutely amazing, that the little girl wasn't scarred for life, the things she told me her father did to her, with a knife, cigarettes, and heavy leather belt. Surprisingly, she had managed to escape with only one little scar, that at first she had insisted she had gotten while roller-skating. It was only under hypnosis, that I was able to get her to remember how her father had beaten her with the lamp-cord, and then only when I prompted her.) It was quite a relief to me, to see the little girl finally admit to this abuse. After all, they say the first step to recovery, is to admit you have a problem. Now, Jennie finally had. Once she realized that her father's love was all a sham, Jennie broke down. It was at this point, that she tried to take both her own life and the baby's, by sticking herself in the gut with a sharpened coat-hanger. She only succeeded, with the baby. When I remember how much Jennie had told me she wanted that baby, I almost cried. I guess the little girl is better off without it though. I mean: can you imagine having to spend your life caring for the baby of the man who raped you? It still aches me a little bit, when I remember how proud Jennie had been, when she first came to see me, almost showing off the fact that she was big enough to have her Daddy's baby. She had seemed so smug. Now look at her. She'll probably never have normal sex again, and almost certainly never have any children, with the damage she did. And all because of her father. After several years, I'm just beginning to get Jennie to remember how much she hates her father. It's surprising how much she had suppressed this. Even with hypnosis, she's just beginning to remember. Up to now, she's kept this hate hidden so deep inside her, that you wouldn't even have suspected it, if you weren't a professional like I am. Once I get Jennie to confront the hate for her father, maybe she can finally start to heal. 4 Jennie is slowly recovering from her trauma, and I still see her every so often. Sadly, I was never able to help her older sister, like I have Jennie. It was with Karen's help, and even some from Jennie, that their father's sentence was reduced from 20 years, to 2, of which he only served 3 months. They both moved out of state, and who knows what depravity the man does to the girl? Karen was old enough at the time, that she refused to let me help her, like I did her little sister. Right now, I understand that Jennie is doing fairly well, at the nursing home. She'll never be the young, happy child again, that I had such a precious glimpse of when I first saw her. Sadly, I understand that both her father and her older sister blame ME for her condition for some reason, instead of putting the blame where it belongs, on her father. It's amazing how some people will blame everybody but themselves, for the damage they do. 5 -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us | | Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | \ .../assm/faq.html> /