Message-ID: <2679eli$9708071453@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: Celeste801@aol.com Subject: Celeste's Top 20 Stories - July 1997 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: <970806125952_131324001@emout20.mail.aol.com> Celeste's Top 20 Stories - July 1997 Note: Because of the increased number of reviews made possible by guest reviewers I have found it necessary to expand to a Top _20_ List each month. Even with this increased number of stories, it was very difficult to limit this list to only 20 this month. Some excellent stories missed the list. Note that even though guest reviewers write the posted reviews of some of these stories, I read any story that I think may be eligible for a monthly or annual award. I personally take responsibility {and blame} for these lists. If someone else wants to publish an alternate list of awards, that's fine with me. Second Note: Since many readers would like to read the top stories for each month, I would appreciate it if authors would repost as many of these stories as possible. You may wish to repost the stories in alt.sex.stories.moderated, as well as in alt.sex.stories. If you wish, you can label them as Celeste's #x for July: Name of Story. Third Note: I have had great success finding these stories on the World Wide Web by using the Deja News Server (www.dejanews.com). In addition, most of these stories have been posted and archived through alt.sex.stories.moderated. You can even find past issues of my reviews through these services. Final Note: Guest reviews have been helpful, but they introduce problems for the monthly and annual lists. I am confident that I am handling the fairness issue by reading any apparently eligible story myself. However, when I reprint the reviews in a Top List, I need to differentiate between what I am saying and what someone else is saying. To accomplish this, I have simply labeled "Guest Reviews" as such. - Celeste Here's this month's Top 20 List: 1. "Conventional Sex" by the GreatxIam 2. "Southern Hospitality" by Rhett Dreams 3. "Tryout" by Friar Dave 4. "Hell Hath No Fury" by Darkside 5. "Fucking Celeste" by Mike Hunt 6. "Soft Ball or My Best Position" by Taria 7. "The Absolutely Astounding Adventures of Angelica Ahsmacker" by Tom Bombadil 8. "Correspondence" by Taria 9. "Sacrament" by Gwydion 10. "Remembering the Sting" by Renae Nicks 11. "As the Paige Turns" by Hawk Richards 12. "The Same Time Next Year" by Tom 13. "When the Angel Smiles" by Hawk Richards 14. "Mariya" by Luis Woolsbury 15. "The United Way" by Mike Hunt 16. "Art Class" by Mike Hunt 17. "The Sarabande and the Six Iron" by Mat Twassel 18. "Special Delivery" by Ann Douglas 19. "Brisco County: Brass Balls" by Shelby Bush 20. "Sam's Bad Day" by BronwenSM Here are the original reviews in alphabetical order: "Art Class" by Mike Hunt (MrM1ke@aol.com). Roberta is the lady who is the most fun in the art class. One day she bets Mike Hunt that she can give the male model an erection by standing close to him and letting him look down her cleavage - and she loses. To avoid another loss, she agrees to share a solo nearly-nude modeling session with Mike Hunt, who demonstrates the value of unilateral disarmament. As you may have surmised by now, sometimes it's hard to describe the plots of this author's stories without giving away too many details. Let's just say that some of the things art students have to draw are hard. This story is more cute and seductive than outright sexy. I like that sort of thing once in a while. Incidentally, you'll notice that the author has a new name. It seems that AOL has a person whose job it is to look for obscene names - just as most states have a person who looks for and eliminates obscene license plates. I guess Mike had them fooled for a while with that number 1 in his name, but AOL finally figured out that there was a hidden meaning behind M1keHunt. "The Absolutely Astounding Adventures of Angelica Ahsmacker" by Tom Bombadil (mrdouble@ix.netcom.com). This is a sexually explicit version of a cliffhanger - one of those media productions that used to exist as television serials and which one can still find on the cartoon channel on cable TV. This episode begins with Angelica Ahsmacker and her faithful sidekick, Tiny Silvertongue, hanging over a cliff. Not really, of course. Angelica is actually tied to a log and about to be bisected laterally by a buzz saw. As the author puts it: "It was a race between the awful arms of that molestation machine and the terrible teeth of that spinning saw to see which would be the first to delve deep into the defenseless damsel's dampening divinity." I enjoy this sort of thing immensely. This author is creative in both his plot development and in his use of language. {I enjoy cunning linguists.} If you like humor and alliteration with your sex, you'll enjoy this story. "As the Paige Turns" by Hawk Richards (heminway@epix.net) Guest review by Mike Hunt. A week ago I wrote a review of Hawk Richards' "As the Paige Turns." And I slammed it pretty good. I even noted that Celeste had given him low marks on an earlier story and he had revised it and gotten all 10's on the revision. That showed me that he cares about his work, and I urged him to revise "Paige." The sonofabitch went and did it. And he did it again. It's a great story now, certainly worth 10's, and I highly recommend it. The story still revolves around a lady psychiatrist who helps a client through his modem fetish and along the line discloses her own fascination with the stories in the newsgroups. And while there's no graphic on-screen copulating or masturbating or blowulating, it's still sexy; it's still a quick read, and it's now quite worth your while. The typos are gone, the logic is logical, the story is fun! One reviewer's disclosure: he mentions me in the story. That's a nice stroke, but I wouldn't change my opinion just for that. Another disclosure: he's stealing my fucking format, and has added closing remarks that dropped me to the floor with laughter. Any author who can write a sexy story AND make you laugh at the same time is, uh, probably a mope. Take it from me. But a funny mope, and maybe one who shows a helluva lot of promise. Read "As the Paige Turns (Revised)". It's a goodie. "Brisco County: Brass Balls" by Shelby Bush (stbush@iglou.com). Brisco County is not a place; it's the name of a main character in a weekly television show that ran in America a few years ago. It was a pretty good show that didn't catch on, and it died after just one season. As he does with his other Porno TV stories, the author supplies further details about the show during a "commercial break." This story overlaps slightly with the author's recent "Maverick" and "Have Gun, Will Travel" stories. Finally, the story includes a science fiction element (the orb) from the "Brisco County" series. Although I was not familiar with this concept myself, it made perfect sense to me, and I thought the author used the orb very creatively in this story. Although this story appears to remain faithful to the original series, I think even people who have never seen that show can enjoy this one. Brisco and Bowler are bounty hunters, experiencing adventures while they try to get their man in the western U.S. in the 1890's. This story follows the series pattern: a main storyline with numerous subplots. It diverges from the TV series in that some of the subplots include explicit sex. In addition, this story contains one sentence that must have been spoken many a time in the Wild West but has never appeared in any TV western: "I need to take a whiz." I am not going to try to summarize the story any further here. I'll just point out that if you call this a sex story, the emphasis should be more on story than on sex. The sex, when it occurs, is very good, and it fits in nicely with the plot. "Conventional Sex" by the GreatxIam. The best thing about this sex story is that it is much more story than sex, but it's still a great sex story. The narrator is an 8th-grader in a Catholic school of the 60's. His hormones have begun to emerge, and he is interested in shedding his image of class geek. He resorts to pulling a prank on the nuns. He and his friend pull a commando raid into the convent, and it goes awry. His friend is caught, and the narrator finds himself in the cell of a naked nun. And a very beautiful naked nun at that. She becomes his ally and tries to help him escape, but this effort is thwarted by the pastor's two lean Dobermans. Returning to the safety of the nun's room, the boy recognizes in the naked nun some basic elements of anatomy that he has seen only in Playboy magazine. In short, he has now seen as much of Sister Juliet as he has ever seen of any woman, even on paper. Good Golly, Sister Molly! Alas, the poor lad has no means of egress and is essentially cloistered in close quarters with a naked and nubile nun. Well, they don't cover this sort of thing in nun school, and there is no patron saint whose job is to watch over oversexed teenagers putting the moves on nuns. To put it succinctly, the boy becomes attracted to more than the nape of the neck of the naked and nubile nun and they fuck happily and harmoniously throughout the night. If you can set aside the rather tenuous assumption that the two nasty neophytes are on their way to eternal perdition, you will find the sex to be passionate and arousing. Except for an age difference that once was the topic of an algebra problem on the SAT (Sister Juliet was one year short of being twice as old as her young lover, who was twelve years younger than she....), this young nun is in essentially the same position as Julie Andrews in "The Sound of Music." My rather non-tenuous assumption is that once a nun falls off the boat, she might as well fall way off the boat - and maybe even learn to swim. As a former Catholic school student, I enjoyed this story immensely. And so the Seven Dwarfs stayed overnight at a convent near a wildlife preserve. The next morning, the committee of six sent a representative to the mother superior to ask if there were any nuns who were under three feet tall. When the reply was negative, these six began chanting, "Grumpy fucked a penguin, Grumpy fucked a penguin!" "Correspondence" by Taria (Taria29c@aol.com). Tari has gone away to college, and so has her friend Kathy. These letters from Tari to Kathy summarize her sexual growth during her college years. If you have ever read someone else's personal letters, you know how interesting (or how boring!) this can be. The letters are more interesting if the writer is spontaneous and honest, and those words describe Tari in this story. There's really not much else I can tell you about this story, except that I think you'll enjoy it. I know I did. At first I found this story to be a "difficult read," because the style was jerky and there were some punctuation problems; but then I realized that the author was trying to imitate the style of an undergrad who was hurriedly writing her private thoughts to her best friend. After the first two letters, I got used to the style and enjoyed the rest of the story immensely. "Fucking Celeste" by Mike Hunt (mrm1ke@aol.com). Like this author's stories themselves, my reviews of them should be read out loud, or at least very loudly in silence, in order to get full impact from them. With that in mind, I ask you, which would be a more clever title "Fucking Celeste by Mike Hunt" or "Fucking Mike Hunt by Celeste"? The title is deliberately ambiguous. My Unabridged Random House dictionary gives the accurate definition of the first word of the title, which would properly be paraphrased as the mumbled phrase "Confounded Celeste!" This title takes on a second meaning when Mike visits his nephew's teacher and is forced into a compromising position that cannot be resolved without full vaginal penetration of a person alleged to be Yours Truly. As if that pun is not enough, the author adduces a theory that the Blowjob Principle is a misspelling for an activity that Celeste performs for the person who administers her school. This is a very good story, but the disclaimer is not as creative as some that I have seen. In addition, I should point out that Mike has been spearheading an attempt to improve my system of guest reviewers. {This may sound like matter for a "note," but stay with me on this one.} Mike's fundamental assertion is that he feels the authors should use their regular pseudonyms when writing their guest reviews, because this will enable both readers and the persons whose stories are being reviewed to make better use of any criticism contained in the reviews. Mike's point is well taken, and I have adopted a policy of allowing authors to stick with their regular names if they insist, even though I continue to advise an "alternate pseudonym." My reason for advising this practice is that I seriously believe that using the same name would _for many authors_ cause undesirable pressures that would weaken either their reviews or their stories. Indeed, I'm not sure how much can be gained by knowing that So-and-So is the author of both a specific story and a specific review. As someone else has pointed out to me, it is by no means true that the best authors are likely to be the best reviewers. Authors tend to be specialists who are intensely involved in an area of expertise, whereas reviewing requires a more generalized interest or expertise and an ability to look at a story more objectively. {As I said, stay with me.... There's a punchline coming up.} I'll grant that some people can be both good reviewers and good authors, but I wouldn't count on it; and I think that for many of us the absence of anonymity would reduce our objectivity. I think it makes more sense to look at, say, Piper's reviews for several weeks and to form an opinion about his/her insight than to start from the assumption that because Piper writes good stories his/her reviews must be good. Let me use myself as an example. I think I write good reviews, and I think I am CAPABLE of writing good stories. I have posted only one story ("Virtuous Reality"), and I really felt uncomfortable doing so. I had such thoughts as these: How can I expect people to continue listening to my advice when I am probably going to screw this story up? Won't people be extremely harsh in evaluating my story, since I have been critical of so many stories myself? Won't people have less respect for my reviews if my story really sucks? Etc. I guess I could "just get over it," but these were real concerns to me, and I think numerous other potential reviewers would have similar reactions. This is why I recommend the alternate pseudonym. Of course, it should be obvious to you that I could solve this problem simply by posting my stories under a different name. Indeed, perhaps I have already done so! One correspondent has suggested that the anonymity of AOL would make it possible for Danielle Steele to act out her fantasies by pretending to be an English teacher who writes reviews for this newsgroup. How can anyone really prove this is not the case? Well, actually Danielle does not write or think very much like me. Who does? There's only one person that I can think of. The only reasonable answer is that I am really Mike Hunt. {In case you missed it, the previous sentence was the punchline.} Think about it. On a.s.s.d. I was recently accused of having a sophomoric sense of humor. What more need I say? I have just reviewed a story by Mike Hunt entitled "Fucking Celeste" in which Mike Hunt is pressed up against a sexy teacher in a closet at the Sadley Virgin School. Hmmm.... Maybe I have overstated the case a little. As I said earlier in this review, I can write better puns than those. But if I were Mike Hunt or were Mike Hunt I, then this story could be entitled "Fucking Myself!" That's the sort of humor that both Mike and I would be proud of. Here's further evidence - I claim that both my husband and I are heterosexual and monogamous, but I admit that my husband regularly fucks my cunt. {Get it? Mike Hunt - my cunt! See the pattern yet?} And besides, I can't be Plainman, because he writes much better than either Mike or I. Here are two of my favorite excerpts from the story: "I lowered my fly and withdrew my cock. Sticking straight out, it made closing the door impossible." {Ouch! He must have really wanted to keep that door open!} "He {the nephew who has been boinking the girl in the supply closet} needs a little help. His technique is very amateurish." {It would have been more fun to say "His technique is ALSO very amateurish." You have to read this in context, I guess; but the ALSO would be intended to mean that both the kid's technique and his knowledge were amateurish or that both the kid's and Mike's techniques were amateurish. In fact, this line PROVES that this story is a fraud. The real Celeste would never miss an opportunity for an enigmatic provocation of Mike Hunt.} All goofy remarks aside, this is another very good story. I appreciate the tribute and accept it in the spirit in which it was intended. "Fucking Celeste" by Mike Hunt (mrm1ke@aol.com). Guest Review by Fiddler. This story has two Mike Hunts. M1ke Hunt is an author who complains about "fucking Celeste" because he thinks her reviews have been insufficiently laudatory. He fears that she might even assign his next story to a guest reviewer. To work off his frustration, he writes a story about a character named Mike Hunt who visits his nephew's teacher in lieu of the boy's mother who has been unavoidably delayed. Since the identity of the teacher was telegraphed in the title, I'll let you read the story to find how Mike gets from the present participle to the gerund. You definitely should read it. If you are already a M*ke Hunt fan, you'll be pleased that he no longer uses those weird high-ascii marks. He should learn, however, that the Bureau of Labor Statistics collects unemployment data from the Current Population Survey of households, rather than from unemployment insurance records. {Good Point! - Celeste; Fucking Fiddler - Mike Hunt.} "Hell Hath No Fury" by Darkside. Guest review by Green Onions. A driver has a flat tire on a lonely road. Spare to change? Sorry, none in the trunk. Night falls on the man without a plan. The stars blink brightly in the clear black sky as his chances of surviving begin to flicker out. Snow appears. Lost and alone, he waits for the end of his life in the white darkness. And yet when all optimism seems to have faded into the freezing wilderness there emerges (from behind a hidden chorus of weeping violins) a vision of hope that flies gracefully across the horizon of his dimming consciousness, singing its mystical song, ready to deftly snatch the hapless wayfarer from the drooling unflossed Jaws of Death. Is it a bird? A plane? An optical illusion? No--it's Florence Nightingale: _after_ she graduated from medical school. And so not a moment too soon is the Grim Reaper's task interrupted by the talents of a skilled, sensitive, tall, brilliant, blue-eyed, lithe busty rich young female physician with near-perfect abs. She first asks the nurse to check his insurance. Then she saves his life. And so the dream continues. They fall for each other; he proposes to her. Their engagement progresses like clockwork to the final misty moment as family, friends, and myriad onlookers gather to witness the anticipated instant when he will place the golden ring of their sacred unity upon her willing finger. It seems that all is right with the world. Surely they will love out their lives in an era of peace, happiness, hot sex, low taxes, and white picket fences. Well, as one of Douglas Adam's characters once said in _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_: "Sorry, wrong universe!" As the sun beats down on the expectant crowd he explains that he does not love her and cannot marry her. Her parents are glaring hatefully, she is sobbing pitifully and he is shrugging philosophically. Better luck next time. Or better sense, perhaps. Because the Doctor was a dream and he needs someone real. Not a vision but a spouse. Not a fantasy, but flesh and soul. And after two long years he finds and marries her with little hesitation. The second time is indeed the charm--even if her stomach isn't quite as flat, she is still young and attractive, affectionate, smart, tall and slim. But what of his first love, of the brilliant blue-eyed shapely svelte angel of the steel table who had saved his life, savored his love, and was jilted--indeed brutally humiliated--in front of her friends and family? Hell, if you thought biblical characters tend to suffer more than others for spurning the affections of the smooth-faced gender, read this story and think again! And what could be a more fitting punishment for an ungrateful insensitive, thoughtless and callously cruel male jerk than to be forced to suffer the indignities of _becoming_ a woman? His fate will not be limited to the experience of being in a female body, but will also include the transformation of his mind. Yes, She will have her way with him. She will make his dream into her nightmare. And in more than one respect. This is not an ordinary TG (trans-gender) piece, nor is it a classic sex story or a typical tale of revenge, mystery--yes there is a murder--cumuppance (gee, did I misspell that?), or even an ironic, slightly humorous psychological sci-fi erotic thriller. It's all of those bound together with a tight plot and topped off with a tempting smorgasbord of diverse sexual blandishments. In case you thought I might be blowing my load prematurely, I should also point out that this piece could be even better if the author diverged from some typical tendencies of erotica and romance writers (including most a.s.s. contributors). For starters I might occasionally prefer to see characters in longer stories developed with a third dimension--the sorts of accents, nuances, habits, hobbies, mannerisms, peculiarities and idiosyncrasies that we typically observe in real people. Such details can often be worked into plots with little effort. While Darkside's prose is better than most, I also sometimes wish a.s.s. writers would pause more often to allow their readers to "smell the roses" (or hear the cadences) of their phrases and the rhythm of their sentences. Words can do more than convey information. And although I am often at odds with the well-worshipped deity who is hosting this review, she and I agree on one thing: maybe there is room for protagonists whose bodies are not quite so heavenly. If one goal of erotica is to help us appreciate love and sexuality, then perhaps a.s.s. authors could provide us with a few (especially female) characters now and then who just happen to fall short of certain popular physical ideals. Yet I quibble . . . this is an _excellent_ novella. Read it. "Mariya" by Luis Woolsbury (Luis_Woolsbury@hotmail.com). Guest review by Figment. This is not a "sex story" per se. That is, if you want to read a lot of dirty words, don't go here. "Mariya" touches the heart more than any other part of the body. The narrator is a thirtysomething professional who finds himself falling for a girl who rides his bus. The girl, Mariya, is young - she's in junior high or high school (the narrator doesn't ask, and he isn't good at guessing ages), and she's an immigrant from Belarus. She leads a sheltered life until the narrator takes her under his wing. He takes her out for lunch; he takes her to a movie; he takes her shopping for clothes her mother can't afford; and finally, he takes her virginity. I won't say more about the plot - you should read the story for it. "Mariya" is an impressive work of fiction. It actually evokes emotion. Again, though, don't read it if you just want something to masturbate to. There's a very sad undertone to the whole story; the author sets it up from the beginning, when the narrator first sees Mariya waiting for the bus in the gloomy weather. The narrator seems to really regret what happens between him and Mariya - not because making love to a girl so young is wrong by society's standards; but because the two of them genuinely do love one another, and it's apparent from square one that Mariya's age (and her ethnicity) will prevent the couple from living happily ever after. This story is sad, but it isn't depressing - merely touching. The sex _is_ well-written - it's very realistic; and you don't feel like you're reading your typical nasty-pedophile-fucks-little-girl-and-she-likes-it story. In fact, you don't feel like you're reading anything "wrong." The way the author has set the story up, you understand why the narrator is having sex with Mariya; only the most hardcore Christian Coalitionist would label the narrator a pervert. Anyone else'd just say he was in love. "The Same Time Next Year" by Tom (laddie@anon.nymserver.com). The idea for this story came from the movie starring Ellen Burstyn and Alan Alda, in which the two main characters arranged to meet each other for an annual romantic tryst at a remote Northern California coast resort between the years 1955 and 1977. The author's storytelling technique is excellent. He plunges us into a sexy scene in the middle of the story, then fills us in on the background details, and then moves to the end of the story. Of course, one should not dangle one's modifiers: "Even without cleavage, I realized that I was sexually attracted to her." That sentence says that the speaker (Tom) is the one sans cleavage, but the deficiency actually describes Cinda. That lapse aside, this is an excellent story: lots of character development, a well-structured plot, and hot sex. As the author points out, this story begs the question of the potential harm to others caused by marital affairs. In this story, he says, the infidelity of the main characters is not a betrayal of a spouse, but is rather an act of self expression. Yeah, right! Look that one up in The Sophist's Dictionary. I think what he means is that this sounds like fun, but real life is sometimes less idyllic. It's been about a year since Tom posted his other two stories: "Birthday Surprise" and "Thanksgiving." I hope we don't have to wait until the same time next year for another story! "Remembering the Sting" by Renae Nicks (RenaeNicks@aol.coom). This is the story of Renae's first sexual experience. It's one of those rare "true" stories that is both interesting, sexy, and apparently true. Renae and Mark met in a college course - in fact, it was a biology course, and the professor was lecturing on human sexual reproduction. They grew closer and closer and finally made love. That's about all there is to it, but the author makes it seem a lot more interesting. "Sacrament" by Gwydion (gwydion@writeme.com). This story came across like one of those foreign movies I used to watch when I was in college: It wasn't what I would call enjoyable, but I knew it was good. But I couldn't say why. The gist of the story is that a woman who is a maid in a hotel has a serious guilt problem; and she's working hard at suppressing her sexuality, which she considers to be the root of her sinfulness. One of the guests at the hotel is a former priest - not only an ex-priest, but a depraved ex-priest who has his waste basket filled with filthy pictures of men abusing women. The former priest counsels the woman, and in a sort of sacramental sexual ceremony he helps her atone for her sins. The experience rejuvenates her - and him. The story is reminiscent of a Graham Greene novel - the old whisky priest theme from "The Power and the Glory." This story is not jerkoff material, but it seems reasonable to believe that serious stories have a place on this newsgroup. I have frequently maintained that the bdsm stories don't ring true to me, because I find it hard to understand how a person can express love for another by being deliberately cruel. I have also often stated that from my own background the closest thing to extreme bdsm as a form of love is the theological insight that God somehow redeems people by making them suffer. One of the great Catholic classics is the medieval "Imitation of Christ," and it focuses on this theme. Priests still preach this insight from the pulpits, and I think these priests are generally full of crap. The same theme runs through many of the American Puritan literary classics (e.g., "The Scarlet Letter") as well as the literature of many nations and cultures. I personally reject that concept of God, but I'm sure many readers of these reviews will find it to be familiar. These readers (and these preachers) may be right, and I may be wrong. What this author does is make a little more explicit than most authors the relationship between religion and certain sexual activities as a form of purification. I have a friend who acknowledges that "Schindler's List" is probably a great movie; but she has no intention of seeing it, because she "has enough problems in her own life without watching a movie that dwells on man's cruelty to man." I'm sure she wouldn't be interested in this story either. If you feel that way, you might want to skip this story. Read something frivolous and uplifting like my own "Virtuous Reality." This story made me feel uncomfortable, but it was still an excellent story. "Sam's Bad Day" by BronwenSM (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com.). Sam is, among other things, a sidesman at his church. Forced to take the train home from work, he finds himself in a surrealistic world of sperm-berpers and perky DoubleTeamingTeens doing it doggie-style. Sam tries to reason with the juicy teens, but the perverted sex-vixens seem to have run amuck - er, amok - er, amuck, I guess. To put it bluntly, they just plain love to fuck & suck and talk dirty on the phone. You see, what Bronwen has done is compose a coherent story using as many spam lines from a.s.s. and a.s.s.d. as possible. It's really cute! He should receive a Well Deserved Spanking from Bare-Bottomed Schoolgirls. Pics at Eleven. "The Sarabande and the Six Iron" by Mat Twassel (Mmtwassel@aol.com). In classical music the sarabande is a slow, stately part of a suite, often following a courante. A six iron is something that golfers use - between a five iron and a seven iron, I suppose. "You can't practice piano forever. Sometimes you have to pee." That introductory line is much more creative than, "It was a dark and stormy night." That line also represents a recurrent theme: later on we find out that you can't drive forever either: sometimes you have to pee. However, this is not a watersport story. Rather, this story describes a brief part of the odyssey of the beautiful, young, and talented Tammy Jondelle and Milton Cumbee, a quiet, black sixteen-year-old who thinks deep thoughts but says he doesn't like music, as they travel from Tammy's southside apartment in Who Knows Where to somewhere in Omaha. I guess I forgot to mention that Tammy is wearing no panties, because she left them on the roof of Milton's truck along with the cactus box because the roof was so hot that it burned her feet after she jumped onto it when Milton asked her for help while she was trying to masturbate after taking a pee because you have to do that sometimes, which is why you can't practice the piano forever, which is a recurring theme in this story. You really should read this story yourself. This author is one of those people who think that sexuality is more charming and enticing if it remains quietly in the background. This was a very nice, gently sexy story. "Southern Hospitality" by Rhett Dreams (Rhettxxoo@aol.com). Guest review by Purple Shade. >From the time twenty-five year old Bethany Albert is pulled over on a Mississippi road by County Sheriff Paul Trent, until the stories conclusion some 45,000 words later, the reader is enthralled in a crime and sex drama involving, murder, rape, white slavery, auto theft and political incorrectness. At first glance, the sheer size of this particular story might make the average reader pause, but I implore you to take the time and read it. Involving elements of the two novels "Red Dragon" and "Silence of the Lambs." by Thomas Harris, this story would make a great paperback in its own right. This is an example of the finest kind of erotic story -- one which you would still be interested in reading if you cut out all the sex parts. What's left is a damn fine story. Definitely destined to be one of the year's best. "Special Delivery" by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net). Practical problems arise as society becomes more egalitarian. As the American armed forces have become sexually more integrated, the logistics people have to worry about where the women will take showers on aircraft carriers. Likewise, baseball players have to shower differently when female reporters swarm into their locker rooms. This story presents Amy Choi, a 36-year-old Korean-American businesswoman who has won a raffle at an "old boys" gathering of businessmen. The surprise is a gift certificate from the Special Delivery Escort Service. And so Amy is stuck with the prospect of sharing a fantasy evening with a man she has never met - a man who wants nothing more than to bring her pleasure. Bummer! The fantasy casts her into the role of the seducer of Tyree, the young, black "delivery boy" who brings Amy her special delivery package. The sex is realistic, friendly, and hot. I'm so jaded or sophisticated or something that I guessed the surprise ending halfway through the story; but I still enjoyed watching it unfold. If you're a little more naive, you may be surprised and enjoy this story even more than I did. "Tryout" by Friar Dave (friar_dave@mhbbs.com). The reader immediately gets immersed in the action right from the start - Jerry comes out of the shower, finds his wife already turned on from reading a sexy magazine, starts fucking her, has her read the magazine out loud to him, and then finishes her off. In her pre-Jerry life, Connie was interested in other women; and Jerry has a liberal attitude in this regard: Be sure she's clean, don't cut THEIR time together, and talk about it if the attachment seems to be getting more than essentially physical. In other words, Jerry "is able to remain sanguine in the face of Connie's sapphic escapades." I'd say he goes beyond sanguine to just plain buoyant when he joins the ladies himself. Read the story for details. This is really hot stuff. It almost makes me suspect that the author delights in the thought that maybe his readers will get turned on while they read this story. The only flaw in this story was that either Connie or Kim had nice "aureoles." I guess Friar Dave wrote this story before my seminar on areolas. However, because I learned some interesting things about sextoys, I won't even dock him for his misspelling of the a-word. "The United Way" by Mike Hunt (MrM1ke@aol.com). Pete and Mary want to have a baby, but they can't. To put it delicately, Pete's gun works, but it shoots blanks. Actually, most stories on this newsgroup take non-pregnancy as a given, but this one uses it as a setup. Well, says I, what can Mike Hunt do to help Pete and Mary get pregnant in a story entitled "The United Way"? Yep, it's just as you thought. Mike jerks off in a cup, gives the sperm to them, and they apply it. No doctors, no hospital, no lab tests. Just neighbors helping neighbors. Sort of like the United Way. What did you expect? But alas, a more direct approach becomes necessary, but things still are not as simple as you might think. You can read the story for the details. By the way, I hear NBC is planning to do "Hunter" reruns this fall. "When the Angel Smiles" by Hawk Richards (heminway@epix.net). When this author originally posted this story, I gave it ratings of 7-6-8 and said that it contained numerous distracting errors that could easily be eliminated. The author has done a masterful job of revising this story. Not only are the errors gone, but the plot has been substantially revised to clean up the logic and emotions. Charlie is a decrepit old man who seems to be on his way home to die. He meets a young woman who gives him a hand-job on the plane, and then she stays overnight at his hotel and makes tender love to him. The second half of the story consists mostly of flashbacks to Charlie's earlier love life as he prepares to meet his maker. The angel in the title refers to young girls who have appeared to be angelic at various times like these in Charlie's life. This is a difficult story to rate - but only because I can't give anything higher than straight 10's. It deserves very high ratings, because it is among the best stories I have read recently. On the other hand, there is still slight room for improvement. The remaining problem is that too much is left to the reader's imagination at the end of the story. I don't think the author wants to write a morality tale, and so he wants the ending to be deliberately vague. I respect a certain level of ambiguity; but on the other hand, as I read the last lines, I found myself saying, "What the hell happened here?" When I looked back, I still wasn't sure. Maybe I'm wrong. I've been known to say the same things about James Joyce. If you read the story (and I think you'll enjoy doing so), maybe you should drop the author a line and tell him what YOU think. -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us | | Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | \ .../assm/faq.html> /