Message-ID: <2671eli$9708061617@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: From: Celeste801@aol.com Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 205 - Aug 6 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: X-Original-Message-ID: <970806125731_1947957422@emout16.mail.aol.com> X-Is-Review: yes Celestial Reviews 205 - August 6, 1997 Note: People are confused about the Blowjob Principle, which states that if a recipient wants to increase the probability of a second blowjob, he/she should make the giver glad to have supplied the first. Applied to sexual encounters, this means that if a girl gives a guy a blowjob and the guy hopes to get another someday, then he should do something to make the girl glad she gave him the first blowjob. Applied to stories, this means that if you want an author to continue writing good stories, you should do something to make him/her pleased that they wrote the story that evoked your gratitude. When they thank me for my reviews, people often smile via email and refer to the Cunnilingus Principle. Their theory is that since I am female, I wouldn't know what to do with a blowjob if they gave me one. Actually, these people don't understand the metaphor. The story (or in my case, the reviews) is the blowjob. If the reader likes the story (or the reviews) then he should maximize the possibility of a continued supply of "blowjobs" by making the giver of the blowjob (that is, the author of the story or reviews) glad that he/she helped supply that blissful experience. The pleased reader may indeed accomplish this through a blowjob or cunnilingus; but it's important to remember that we're talking metaphor here. A simple thank-you will often suffice. Second note: The discussion of zipped files continues on a.s.s.d. The discussion is often technical. It seems obvious that attempts to be helpful by posting zipped files can backfire and cause much more trouble than they are worth. After reading what has been posted, I see several compelling reasons not to post zipped files: (1) It's difficult for readers to ascertain what is in a zipped file without downloading it, unzipping it, and loading it into a word processor to examine it. With unzipped files, readers can simply look at the story online and decide whether to download it. (2) Zipped files are often labeled with cryptic names that make it impossible to know even the title of the story. (3) Zipped files are binary files; and as I understand it, binaries are not supposed to be posted on alt.newsgroups except alt.binaries. Some service providers cancel newsgroups that post binaries when they are not supposed to do so. Service providers have software that enable them to spot binary files, and these programs do not differentiate between dirty pictures (to which they would probably object) and zipped stories (to which they would probably not object). (4) Zipped files do not show up in DejaNews. (5) Many users find it difficult to unzip files. (6) Zipping does not save all that much time anyway. The only real ADVANTAGE of zipped files that I have encountered myself is that it is possible to get a multipart story on a single download, rather than downloading, say, ten parts one at a time. I suppose people will do what they want to do, but I think you should take this information into consideration. {Note that this discussion does not apply to sending zipped files through e-mail - just to posting them on newsgroups.} Third note: The guest reviews are working very well. I have received some comments that people like my own reviews better than the guest reviews. That's flattering; but I myself am impressed with the guest reviews. This week there are six reviews by me and fourteen by guests. The advantage of the guest reviewers can perhaps be seen in the series of Parker reviews that I "commissioned" last week. I have heard rumors that I don't like Parker and that Parker stopped writing because I harassed him or something. Those accusations are simply not true. As far as I know, Parker stopped writing because he felt this part of his writing life was complete and he planned to move on to something else. On the other hand, I did NOT find Parker's stories to be very erotic, and so I did not go out of my way to look for his stories. With the help of some guest reviewers I was able to offer you reviews of four stories that I almost certainly would not have had the inclination to review. In general these reviews suggest to me that I was right in my personal opinion of Parker's stories - and that I should read two of them as soon as possible. Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste "Hypnotism - A Teacher's Revenge" by Benny the Jetter (hypnotic orgy) 7, 7, 7 "Sibling Rivalry" by Richard Lewis (childhood spanking) 10, 8, 8 "Wicked Girls" by L (silly gang-bang) 3, 2, 2 "HotTeenSex" by Johnny D. (computer-instigated rape) 9, 9, 9 "High Rise" by Mike Hunt (voyeuristic romance) 10, 10, 10 "One Time" by TeeJ (cyber-romance foursome) 8, 9, 9 Guest Reviews: "Zero-G" by Hildegarde Bingen (adventurous sex) 9.5, 9, 9.5 "Pet Teacher" by Parker (blackmailing the teacher) 10, 8, 6 "Orlando's Call" by Parker (non-erotic prison story) 10, 10, 10 "Squealer" by Parker (rape & degradation) 10, 10, 3 "Career Opportunities" by Parker (female degradation, blackmail, and control) 10, 10, 10 "Slow Dancing With a Stranger" by Sarlim (romance) 10, 10, 10 "Sally and Gerry" by BillyG (nostalgic threesome) 9.5, 8, 9 "Honeymoon Summer" by Hawk Richards (newlywed passion) 9, 7, 8 "The Shop" by Seurat (romantic bondage) 10, 10, 10 "Ziff" by Zifferman (cuckoldry) 9, 8, 7 "The Trim Kitty" by Unknown Author (pussy trimming service). 9.5, 9, 10 "Teen Sex in the 50's," by Jimbo (ponderous odyssey) "Sleepwalker" by Storysman (somnambulant sex) 6, 8, 8 "Hypnotism - A Teacher's Revenge" by Benny the Jetter (Mr. Double repost). The English teacher brings his friend to class one day, and the friend hypnotizes the entire class of skeptical students. Once the students are under the spell, the two men sort the boys from the girls. They decide to fuck only non-virgin females who are on the pill and who aren't having their period. I think they learned that in ethics class in college. The other girls get to suck the men's cocks or show their cunts or give the boys blowjobs during the festivities. During the sorting-out process, we learn interesting tidbits - like little Jennifer, the sexy athlete, had her cherry popped by the local minister as part of a virgin sacrifice at Christian summer camp. This was enough to make John the Teacher consider getting religion. After the sorting, the men have the girls who are on the rag hold the cuntlips of the non-virgins while the men do a taste-test down under. {That's a pun, because the story takes place in Australia, which is on the bottom of the earth. I'm surprised these kids didn't fall off the earth or something.} As a punishment for being objectionable {a technical Aussie term, I suppose} they have Philip the Bastard suck the cunts and arseholes of the girls on the rag while the men are making merry with the other girls. I almost forgot to tell you that they spice it up by giving the girls post-hypnotic suggestions that the men are rock stars and the girls are expensive whores hired to please them. We are also treated to a play-by-play retrospective of the Reverend's deflowering of virgins at his camp. (See previous paragraph.) The story is almost like "Chaucer Gone Berserk Down Under." We have a stories of orgies within stories within stories of orgies. In addition, we learn about the Australian culture. For example, Kylie's first sexual experience (with a human male, that is) occurred as part of a gang-rape while (actually, whilst) her mum was at Mothers' Union meeting. That's a great idea - letting mothers have a union and all. The two men were going to get naked and go to town; but as you may surmise, the nearest town was far away, and so they got naked and fucked Kylie instead. This digression soon becomes the rest of the main story. Well, so it goes. It's kind of interesting and probably true - after all, Australia was practically founded by lawyers, politicians, and criminals from the rest of the British Empire back before the sun ever set on it. I heard a punchline the other day about an Aussie who fucks both his cow and his sheep, but I can't remember the rest of the joke. Maybe I was hypnotized and being buggered by the minister at the time. I dunno. This sounds like a really stupid story, but in the back of my mind I seem to have the feeling that I should give this story high ratings. You don't think . . . . Anyway, if you're the kind of person who likes to jerk off over fantasies of nubile teenagers eager to do your will, you'll probably enjoy this story - especially if you don't have a friend who can hypnotize a crop of sweet young things for you. Ratings for "Hypnotism - A Teacher's Revenge" Athena (technical quality): 7 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7 "Sibling Rivalry" by Richard Lewis (rlewis@xsite.net). This is a story about a boy who had a very well-behaved sister. The children were rivals for their parents' attention; but while the sister did good things to gain attention, the brother resorted to misdeeds. And sometimes the little girl delighted in seeing her brother punished. So far this may be an interesting story, but it's no big thing. I understand even Mother Theresa had similar tendencies when she was younger. I think I heard that on Oprah or something. Now the story gets complex. In fact, it gets downright interesting. In summary - the boy enjoys the beating he gets as punishment for his misbehavior. I had trouble getting a reviewer for this story, and so I simply reviewed it myself. One reviewer commented that he had a vague notion where the sex was supposed to be in the story, but he simply didn't see this as an erotic or sex-related story. My suspicion is that people with a spanking fetish would see this as more obviously sex-related. My impression is that we're supposed to conclude that the boy found the spanking to be erotic because he associated it with his nakedness and the pleasant feelings that occurred when his father took care of his wounds. {A secondary rivalry in the story is that the father and mother are subtly at odds over whether to spank the boy. The story hints that the parents had refrained - at Dad's insistence - from spanking him; but when his behavior got out of control, his mother's pro-spanking stance won out. The mother spanked the boy in such a way as to attempt to lay guilt on BOTH the boy and her husband.} Under such circumstances the association of spanking with sexual pleasure is perfectly plausible - it's simple classical conditioning - like Pavlov and his dogs. Lots of readers will view this fondness for punishment as "normal" - they think that an eagerness to accept pain and humiliation is part of "normal" sexual development. I guess such an interpretation of this story is possible, but that's not the way it stuck me. I read the story as suggesting that something bad happened to the boy - he learned to enjoy being punished - as a result of the accidental circumstances that surrounded this emphatic instance of corporal punishment. I don't think this sort of reaction happens all that often. I myself was spanked as a child, and I have spanked my own children {albeit very rarely}; and neither I nor my children seem to associate this form of punishment with sexual pleasure. I stopped doing the things that led to spankings; and I think I would have been a damned fool to do otherwise, when it was possible for me simply to behave properly rather than badly after the spankings. I really doubt that a huge number of "normal" parents get or give sexual pleasure by spanking their children. As I said, this was a good story, but I also had trouble finding the sex in it. Ratings for "Sibling Rivalry" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 "Wicked Girls" by L (laurraca@aol.com). A bunch of girls get drunk at a swimming part, order pizza, and gang-bang the pizza delivery boy. This story is a grammatical abomination, and it's not a very good story either. However, for a grammar goddess looking for examples of grammar mistakes, this story was a veritable gold mine. Read this sentence and decide what's wrong with it: "Sitting in the dimly lit room waiting for his pay, one of the girls came on to him." What this sentence says is that one of the girls was waiting for the boy's pay. How would you fix the sentence? Simple: ""While he was sitting in the dimly lit room waiting for his pay, one of the girls came on to him." Good student! You get an A on your grammar homework. Ratings for "Wicked Girls" Athena (technical quality): 3 Venus (plot & character): 2 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 2 "HotTeenSex " by Johnny D. (JohnnyD@cryogen.com). Paul is downloading a combination of sexually-explicit binaries and spam on his computer. He's getting all turned on, but just as he's about to explode in a major orgasm, his modem detonates instead. That's right, the damned thing just goes kaplewie! There he sits, shock on his face and seven inches on his cock. A moment later his twin sister knocks on the door and asks if anything is wrong. At first he says that the modem just blew up, but then he realizes that this is his chance. He runs into the hall and tries to rape his sister; but she escapes and runs into the alley. No problem: he runs after her, but she escapes. No problem: there's another girl in the alley, and he jumps her bones and pops her cherry. Then he realizes what he's done. He's ruined this poor girl's life. She'll probably tell her big brother or the police or a maniac fundamentalist spammer or something. The moral of the story is don't buy a cheap modem. Order your modem from me at 1-900-HOT-CHIX, and I'll throw in a free blowjob. Somehow I got off track in this review. It's actually a kinda interesting but bizarre story, or vice versa. It's also getting late, I guess. Ratings "HotTeenSex " Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "High Rise" by Mike Hunt (MrM1ke@aol.com). You know, Mike Hunt is really great. I wish I had the nerve to say that sentence out loud in a bar. It would be a great pick-up line. I mean, you might get an interesting reply: "Your cunt is nothing compared to Emily Dickinson's." Anyway, Mike Hunt is really great. This time he writes from the perspective of his other self. The easiest way to explain this is that his original self is probably still recovering from the drubbing he took from Taria in her last story. Life gets complicated when you start playing significant roles in stories other than your own! Anyway, in this story Mike starts out by voyeurizing the lady who lives in the apartment in the high rise next to his own in Chicago. When he discovers that she goes online with AOL, he arranges to meet her there, without her knowing that it's him; and then the he who's online counsels the her who's online with regard to her budding romance with the him who she thinks is not online but really is. I think I got that right. It may be better if you just read the story. The basic flaw of this story is the tenuous assumption that two people can deliberately and easily get onto an AOL chat line almost at will in a major metropolitan area like Chicago - IN THE EVENING HOURS yet! Yeah, right. And the Cubs may win the World Series this year. What I liked best about this story was that the woman came with a "whoosh" and a "thunk." Actually, I'm just practicing quoting information out of context: she came _off the elevator_ with a "whoosh" and a "thunk." When she came in the sack it was simultaneously with her lover, but with neither a "whoosh" nor a "thunk." Ratings for "High Rise" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "One Time" by TeeJ (teej2@aol.com). The man and woman have developed one of those cyber-relationships we hear so much about on Oprah. They arrange to meet; but - get this! - they decide to bring their spouses along. Both spouses are a bit skeptical, but they agree to cooperate, since there will be no sex - just dinner and family movies about the kids. But "Life is full of surprises" - that's a line from the story when the visiting husband and wife start getting aroused as the scenes about the kids switch to bedroom scene with the home team performing fellatio. I'll bet you think it will stop right there - well, you're wrong! This was a very good story. The point of view was interesting - male cyberlover relating to the female cyberlover a blow-by-blow summary of the encounter, taking into account the actions and reactions of the spouses. The story's main problem was really silly typographical spelling errors, which could be cleaned up by running a spellcheck. Ratings for "One Time" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Zero-G" by Hildegarde Bingen (hildegardeb@hotmail.com). Guest review by Anne747. This is an intriguing story that covers a fantasy I've always kind of had. HE wants to experience sex in zero-g, SHE decides to attempt to bring that fantasy to life. The darkened carnival sounded like a great choice, and I was even surprised at the choice of rides. Now me, I get sick on carnival rides; but the scenario sounded appealing, albeit a little dangerous. Since I like constructive criticism of my own work, I'm just going to add a few comments. A little more insight about the male character might have been nice. I would like to have known more about his feelings about the situation (oops, I forgot to mention, he's blindfolded through the whole thing). There are a couple of places where a little more reaction from him might have added to the feel of the piece. The story is written in such a realistic style that you just have to wonder if this is an actual retelling of an event. It probably should be labeled 'please don't try this at home,' but it makes for wonderful fantasy. Almost makes me eager for the opening of the CNE (our version of the State Fair)... although Grav0l would be a must! This is a great story for those who like a little danger with their sex. Ratings for "Zero-G" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 9 Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 "Pet Teacher" by Parker. (This story is also known as "Parker6"). Guest review by Fiddler. Pamela Brown was a high-school math teacher with fantasies about being a submissive. Like any sensible employee of a school board, she only bought her kinky reading material in a fairly distant city where no one from the school district could ever *possibly* find out. (Are you reading this, Celeste?) At the end of summer school, one of her students, Maggie Moore, asks to speak with her. Maggie has found out. This being a Parker story, you can be sure that Maggie isn't going to be satisfied with a passing grade, extra tutoring next year, or even a supplement to her allowance. Maggie and Miss Brown become Miss Moore and Pamela and then Miss Moore and Pamscunt. This is supposed to be Parker's continuation of a story begun by "Deva." If so, I can't identify the break. In this story, as usual, Parker writes very well on all levels: word choice, grammar, pace, character motivation. At the center, however, is the assumption that one person's degradation of another produces a great erotic rush in one of them, if not in both. If you share this assumption, then you'll enjoy this story much more than I did. Ratings for "Pet Teacher" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Fiddler (appeal to reviewer): 6 "Orlando's Call" (Parker2) by Parker. Guest review by Fiddler. Joseph Orlando, now warden of the state's maximum security prison, has been a prison guard or official all of his life. At the end of his career he gets a delayed message from an old friend and colleague, Harrison Burke, now dead. Burke had settled a prison riot a year before. That had required some unorthodox methods, however, and there were still some loose strings. Now Burke's message leaves Orlando with the decision on how to resolve those loose strings. This is a Parker story; the erotic content, if any, consists of a suffering victim. It is also a brilliant story. I'm afraid of telling too much of the story; but read it. Ratings for "Orlando's Call" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Fiddler (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Squealer" by Parker. Guest review by Stubby Celeste asked me if I would review a Parker story, probably because she knows that I am by no means completely anti-SM. Actually, I generally don't read Parker stories any more, because they usually aren't erotic to me. This one was no exception, and I'm not sure it's generally a good idea to have people write reviews of stories that don't turn them on. But here goes with a one-time experiment. In "Squealer" a young female medical student is kidnapped and raped by two low-lifes, one white and one black. They force her to get drunk before they rape her, and afterwards they abandon her in an inner-city neighborhood. Desperate for help, she staggers into the only lit doorway. It is a bar, and the proprietor of the all-black establishment sees a profit opportunity, gets her further drunk while pretending to comfort her, and then sells her body for $50 a shot to his (all-male) customers, who take her one after the other on a pool table. After several rapes, she decides to try to get it over faster and simulates response, and after a few times doing this she actually has an orgasm. Then the local druglord and pimp arrives on the scene, and makes the bartender turn the girl over to him. The pimp "trains" her to be a street hooker by having her sexually abused for days in captivity to break her spirit. Finally he thinks she is ready, and sends her out with one of his other hookers to pick up her first john. She tries to escape by telling the john she has been kidnapped, but the john tells the other hooker, who turns her in to the boss. He punishes her cruelly for several days, which finally breaks her spirit, and she ends the story as a compliant street whore. The title of the story is her hooker nickname, which refers to the fact that the pimp trains her to squeal like a pig when she is having sex - a particularly mordant touch. There is also a clever framing device for the story - a middle-aged middle-class white guy in a dull marriage drives with his wife through the neighborhood where the "heroine" is working the street corner at the beginning of the story, and we hear his and his wife's banal comments about her. Then how she got there is told in flashback (the bulk of the story), and the story ends with Mr. Babbitt coming back to purchase her services. This is a very skillfully told story. It violates the usual conventions of its sub-genre in that the kidnapped and abused woman does not come to enjoy being raped and sexually brutalized, or selling her sexual services, though we are led to think this will happen during the gang-rape in the bar. She is simply intimidated into faking convincingly. For this reason, the story could almost be a radical feminist fable critiquing male sexuality. The only thing that tells you it isn't one is the fact that most of the men in the story are African-American, which feminist politics wouldn't allow. I was left almost completely unaroused by this story. (I'm not claiming any virtue in this; I probably would have been somewhat more turned on, though maybe not real pleased about the fact, if the story had followed the usual convention and had the woman "learn to like it.") Anyway, my first inclination was to grade it something like 10, 7, 3. But then I realized that in my last review I gave a "10, 10, 10" to a story that I did find erotic but in literary terms was not as impressive a performance as this one. Obviously there is some spillover from "turn-on" to "literary value." Another way of putting it is that some of the very best erotic short stories written anywhere turn up on a.s.s., but it is not the case that the very best stories, period, are found here. We don't get the equivalent of John Cheever, Raymond Carver, or Allegra Goodman. So it's unfair to grade for literary quality on a curve set by the very best short stories overall, just because a story is almost completely unerotic to the reviewer and therefore seems to fall into the category "general short-story." But maybe this is an argument for generally not trying to review a.s.s. stories that (by virtue of their genre) simply don't turn one on. I don't think I'll be repeating this experiment. Ratings for "Squealer" Form: 10 Literary quality: 10 Turn-on factor (purely subjective): 3 "Career Opportunities" by Parker (Parker 11). Guest review by Piper. If you've read one Parker story, you've read 'em all. They're all about the same thing - controlling and degrading women. Right? To put it bluntly, yes they are, but no they're not. While the first line is basically true in general, in detail it's like saying all Arthur C. Clarke ever wrote was science and science fiction, or all Stephen King ever wrote were thrillers. If you actually start looking at the stories, you'll find that details make all the difference in the world. In this story, the central character is a woman named Barbara Dahlton. She's a corporate bigwig, one of the senior staff, and likes to throw her weight around and step on those little people beneath her feet. They're expendable. If they start making too much noise about being treated badly, make them quit. If a young, smart, beautiful woman starts with the company, do everything you can to get rid of the competition. So what if you destroy any future she might have had working anyplace else at the same time. She shouldn't have dared to be so beautiful, smart, and vulnerable at the same time. Barbara is what people commonly call an executive bitch from hell. Think about her name. Think about one of the less flattering diminutives of her first name. Then remove one syllable from her last name. Wonder who's going to receive an unwanted makeover? As I said, the differences are in the details, and Parker excels in making all the details work in a tight, interesting story. The sex is sometimes hot, and sometimes disgusting. At times, I wouldn't wish what happens to her on my worst enemy. If this was real life, everyone involved should either end up in jail for a long period of time, or spend a long vacation in a padded room. Luckily, it's fantasy, and the reader can pick and choose which of the protagonists to envision themselves being. Or, possibly, the reader could choose to be all of them at different times. The main characters are very real, even if they do step beyond the bounds of what's normal. The situations are real enough that they only require a modicum of suspension of disbelief. The 'big bosses' are sufficiently blind, stupid, arrogant, short-sighted, and misogynistic at the proper times that they don't poke their noses into their subordinates' fun. That's exactly what the 'little people' have, too. Fun. At the expense, fortunately (unfortunately for her), of a woman they think deserves everything they can throw at her. And in this story, like many of Parker's others, 'everything' means a long, long fall down the business and evolutionary ladders. Problems and errors are hard to find. A few poorly chosen words. Some sloppy punctuation. One or two misspellings. In a story this long, those are forgivable. The only problem I had with the story itself was with Barbara. It was slightly harder to suspend enough disbelief to imagine that a woman of her obvious intelligence and mental toughness could be steamrollered without putting up a bit more of a struggle. But, that's a minor quibble, and I only include it because a reviewer is supposed to find something that a writer can use to improve a story. Parker wrote some of the classics of this genre, and this is one of his best stories. Enjoy, if you've got a twisted enough mind. Ratings of "Career Opportunities" Technical merit 10 Plot & character 10 Appeal to reviewer 10 "Slow Dancing With a Stranger" by Sarlim (sarlim@aol.com). Guest review by BluePencil. Hotel bars are one of the staples of erotic literature. Patronized by strangers both to the locale and to one another, they offer easy anonymity, lowered inhibitions, and a somewhat structured meeting ground for lonely people far from home. When our narrator enters the bar alone, it is almost inevitable that he will meet someone. Our narrator is in no hurry; it is only after he has found a table, sipped his drink, and started to relax that he pays attention to the people on the dance floor. Soon enough, his attention has focused on the tall, dark-haired beauty who seems to be accepting only a single dance with each man. But alas, just as he readies himself to ask for the next, her most recent dance partner sits at her table. Discouraged, our hero sadly orders a fresh drink . . . I shan't continue the rest of the story in such detail. Almost casually, Sarlim maintains the depth of characterization through their meeting, several surprises, some very well-drawn sex, and an unexpected but well-fitting ending. Though many possible cliches are present - the hotel bar, the mysterious stranger, a possible voyeur - they are handled deftly, a nod to the conventions rather than a reliance on them. Sarlim is one of the best authors currently posting to a.s.s, and this story is a fine example of his work. Ratings for "Slow Dancing With a Stranger" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot and character): 10 BluePencil (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Sally and Gerry" by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com). Guest review by Bookman. In this nostalgic narrative, a lucky young man has a teen-age lust relationship going with a beautiful classmate. Then her older sister becomes available. And that's about it. A simple, age-old story. But BillyG uses a quiet, gentle, almost soft-spoken style to work a charming tale of teenage angst and "what-might- have-beens" that I found almost instantly believable. (I also found myself humming the old Lovin' Spoonful song "Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind?", but that's another story.) What keeps this out of the usual fantasy world most erotica here inhabits is that, once given the situation these people are in, they act like you'd expect people to act. This is a chunk out of Life, and whether it is actual reminiscence or the author's illusory creation is immaterial. Here there are no sexual supermen or inexhaustible women. There are three people, in a situation of their own making, and they deal with it like real people. I have a similar experience that sits gently on my memory, which is perhaps why I responded so quickly and deeply to this tale, but it brought a wry smile to my soul, and a memory of a time when I thought I could do no wrong, while I was doing little else. The sex, as is everything else here, is low-key, but that doesn't stop it from being effective. There are also a few typos/misspellings, but they probably won't bother the reader unless he's as obsessive about such things as I am. All in all, a worthy addition to the a.s.s. catalog. I'd definitely like to see more from this author. Ratings for "Sally and Gerry" Technical: 9.5 General appeal: 8 Appeal to reviewer: 9 "Honeymoon Summer" by Hawk Richards (heminway@epix.net). Guest review by Kim. Here I am back by huge demand; well Celeste asked me anyway. I thought I'd start off with some notes, 'cos if they're good enough for the boss, then they're good enough for me. 1. Celeste recently asked if I'd like to review a story involving Bart Simpson. I declined on the grounds that in spite of it being a satire of a satire, at it's heart I felt it was simply pedophilia. This has no meaning or bearing on anything, just thought ya oughta know what sort of a wussy reviewer I am. 2. Hawk Richards, the author of "Honeymoon Summer," has recently publicly fallen asleep whilst reading one of my posts. The reason I mention this is that it allows me to be outrageously vindictive about his baby and it won't matter 'cos he'll have fallen asleep before he gets to the nasty bits . 3. Hawk also has the habit of posting beta versions of his stories. Rather like Bill Gates and his software. I therefore have no idea if this is the final release version of the story. Hmmm, has anyone ever seen Hawk and Bill in the same room together? Now that's a surreal thought, even by my standards. 4. Can't think of a 4th one. Hey these "notes" things are more difficult to come up with than it seems. So hats off to Celeste for pumping them out so regularly. Anyway, on with the review. [BTW I'm taking the story at face value and assuming it isn't a parody]. Basically this story is one quick burst of newlywed love that lasts about, oooh let me see, ten minutes. Which is longer than it takes to read this story, it being less than two pages in length. Quite where the "summer" comes in is anybody's guess. Written from the male POV, this story describes a guy gazing lovingly at his new bride as she sleeps. He then sneaks up on her and gives her a bit of a lick, then hops aboard as she's coming to (er, as it were). They then both climax and swear undying love for each other. The end. Did I like it? Yes, very much. It's written in a deeply romantic style bordering on the purple. So much so that the single use of the noun 'cunt' kinda leapt off the page at me and smacked me between the eyes. Also there are still the odd spelling and grammar errors; so I guess this isn't the final release after all. If I judged this purely as an example of sweet, genteel erotica, then I'd have to say it's just about perfect, tens all round. However... Ratings for "Summer Honeymoon" Athena (technical quality): 9 (lost one for odd typos etc.) Venus (plot & character): 7 (Very pithy plot, but we didn't exactly get to know the characters) Kim (appeal to reviewer): 8 (lost two for being too short - see, I CAN be tough :) "The Shop" by Seurat (dantedibby@aol.com) - Guest review by Sven the Elder. {This story is listed as Twighlight Zone Stories #2.} They say that first impressions mean most, a principle I have found to be true in most things of my life. Reading a new story is no different. The old gag of the "It was a dark and stormy night" cliche to start a story is legend. But it does something: it paints a picture, a scene in mind; it conveys the writers mood. Seurat excels. His opening couple of paragraphs should be studied by some students of the art of storytelling. Before books and the written word was the spoken story, where the a wandering storyteller would amble from hamlet to hamlet, or village to village. These visits were long-awaited affairs and the storytellers were made welcome because of the 'magic' they could convey with words. Word painting is not easy: not just anyone can do it, and few can do it well - this opening rates amongst the best. Carol wishes to surprise her husband with something a little different on their 10th anniversary. Where better than to look than the local purveyor of things erotic? Carol wishes to surprise, but doesn't know with what or how. The shop assistant can help her choose and she does, and you, dear reader must follow the rest of the story yourself to learn how. I am not into bondage in my real life, and have to say that I thought I might not like this story. Thank you Celeste for asking for my help: I might have missed an excellent story with a twist in the end. I have one minor complaint: I mentioned first impressions for a reason. There appear to be only seven paragraphs in six pages. However, and I refuse to 'dock' marks for poor layout, this may be as a direct result of the encapsulation of the story to me by e-mail from Celeste. It could also be the way it was transferred by me from e-mail to WP on my Mac; but the format was annoying. I do intend to keep this story, and so it will undergo a little layout editing to enhance the pleasure I will get from rereading it. I will alter its appearance in short. Eating a meal in a good restaurant is about presentation: we like the meal to appear appetizing - piling it on the plate does not achieve that effect. Likewise, placing the dialogue from the participating personnel in a narrative is helped by splitting it into manageable chunks; for me that is most easily achieved by using separate lines as each person speaks. The 'white space' on a page of hard copy enhances its appearance and, like good spelling and grammar, makes it easier and more enjoyable to digest. Enough! - This is a great story, read and enjoy! Ratings for "The Shop" Technical quality: 10 Plot & character: 10 Sven (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Ziff" by Zifferman (Zifferman@aol.com). Guest review by Paddy Toute. Hmmmm. Well, interesting, certainly very interesting. This story, the first I have read by this author, has many elements essential to a good sex story. There's interracial sex, voyeurism, cuckoldry and cocaine. There are other elements, but they may give the game away somewhat. To summarize, our hero, Mike, is having problems with his wife, Coleen. To put it bluntly, all is not A1 in the bedroom between them. Mike, wisely or unwisely suggests to a black friend, Titus, that he might like to apply for a job at Coleen's company. Surprise, surprise! Titus and Coleen eventually get it on, whilst Mike receives regular bulletins from Titus about the "hot white chick" whom he is "taking" on a regular basis and her pathetic husband who has no idea of his wife's antics. Needless to say, Mike's plans (that a change for his wife may be as good as a rest for their marriage) do not come to fruition, and fans of happy endings should stop reading the story at this point, if not much earlier. So, what we have here is a good basis for a story, and a good slant on a few tried and trusted themes. However, there were one or two problems for me with the enjoyment of this story. For example, the oft-committed offense of black stereotyping. Titus, wouldn't you know it, is hung like a donkey, at least 10 inches when soft and condom-breakingly large when erect. He talks about "white bitches", and so forth, and uses a mode of speaking which I thought was pretty much outmoded. In addition, there were a few spelling and grammatical errors, but they didn't put me off in the least. Overall, this is certainly not a bad story: maybe with a little honing and a slight rethink of some of the language it could be made into a very good one. I would certainly check out more of Zifferman's writing and hope he doesn't object to my criticism. I don't want to criticize, really I don't. It's just that I feel obliged....I'm a nice guy, I'm kind to animals, well most of them, well most of the time anyway...... Ratings of "Ziff" {added by Celeste} Technical quality: 9 Plot & character: 8 Appeal to reviewer: 7 "The Trim Kitty" by Unknown Author (posted by powerguy@worldnet.att.net). Guest review by Anne747. I always hate seeing a good story with 'author unknown', but I did try the CompuServe address given by the person posting it, and it did indeed bounce back. The thing is, when you read something you enjoy, it would be nice to encourage the author to keep writing. Hopefully we'll find out that the person is actually posting under another name, and isn't gone forever. Anyway, enough about that. The story and intro kind of gives away the premise a little, but it is introduced fairly quickly. A man, who has been a surgical technician, is opening a shop called the Trim Kitty. The only service the store provides is well, I think it's obvious, trimming and shaving pubic hair of women. A rather slow start to the day is interrupted by his first customer. I won't tell you exactly what happens next, but it was a slight surprise. The story could have used a little more details in some places, although if I tell which ones I'll give away the surprise! There is at least one more part of this story, although it stands well on its own. All in all a good read, and it makes me wonder if there are such places around here. {Note from Celeste: Part 2 of "The Trim Kitty" was posted almost as this review went to press.} Ratings for "The Trim Kitty" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 9 Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Teen Sex in the 50's," by Jimbo (Jimbo@oldfolks.hom). Guest review by Taria. Whew! Well, I'm back again, this time after a long journey. I mean a really, REALLY long journey. The voyage in question was back to the Fabulous Fifties, those halcyon Happy Days of greasers, diners, leather jackets, and parking on Lovers' Lane until it was time to Wake Up, Little Susie. Now, that alone would make for a pretty lengthy trip of minus nearly fifty years. Unfortunately, my little Blast from the Past felt like it took longer than fifty years. A hundred, even. No, I feel like I just got back from an eternity of traveling, an endless, wearying road that went on forever. You, too, can join me on this egregious road to nowhere. It's called "Teen Sex in the 50's," and, oddly enough, that's what it's about. Simply put, a young stud named Bill chronicles his lifelong journey to sexual fulfillment from childhood (half a chapter) through teenagerhood (however many chapters he spends on age 17, it's way too many), and finally into late middle age. Along the way he gets to try voyeurism, oral sex, incest, menages-a-trois, orgies, exhibitionism, mild golden showers, straight sex, more straight sex, menstrual sex, even more straight sex, and eventually old people sex. He introduces us to numerous friends and relatives from the Fifties, all of whom are exhibitionistic enthusiastic hedonists, and a good time is had by all. I, however, did not have a good time. Nearly everything from character to plot to sexual action is cardboard, mechanical, and not terribly interesting. There's virtually nothing to place the story in the Fifties--no greasers, poodle skirts, fuzzy sweaters or leather jackets. Not even a beatnik. Few if any good songs. None of that sexual sublimation or repression that made sexual secrets so alluring and powerful. No, these "Fifties" kids are Free Love nudists ahead of their time. This is not only inaccurate but damned dull after a while. Let me make this perfectly clear: the climax of the story occurs when the guy becomes a dentist. Go see "Diner" or "King Creole" again instead. You'll be happy you did. Ratings for "Teen Sex in the 50's" Athena (technical quality): "Urethra" is spelled correctly. Often. Venus (plot & character): Celeste (appeal to reviewer): Don't Ask "Sleepwalker" by Storysman (from Kristen's collection). Guest review by Wherryman. {This is a new reviewer. Wherryman has never posted a story that I know of, but is a representative of that vast, nameless group of people known as "readers." To answer a question raised by this reviewer - what if the grammar is not up to my high standards? - I actually edit these reviews. The hard part is that these chaps from across the pond just plain talk funny. You'd think they invented the language or something!} I offered to do a guest review for Celeste and almost immediately regretted it. What if my grammar and spelling were not up to her high standards? Suppose I were given a story from one of my less favoured genres? I didn't have to worry for long because by return I received Sleepwalker by Storysman. I started reading. Unfortunately the first paragraph gave the impression that poor proofreading was going to get in the way, but I pressed on. Mark and Kendra are soon to be married. All seems well: the sex is certainly regular and apparently satisfactory, but then Mark becomes aware that Kendra is a sleepwalker. At first he is more aroused than worried, because while asleep Kendra is less inhibited, rubbing herself against a lamp or masturbating with the phone. Mark even fucks her without waking her. He confides in his friend Alan, but they cannot decide what to do. When she starts going outside and is stripped and groped by an old man, even Kendra agrees that she needs help. They turn to Kendra's mother who is a psychotherapist. but it transpires that she may be part of the problem rather than the cure. To say more might spoil an interesting story that has some good sex as well. I certainly became absorbed enough to stop proofreading as I went. Errors and some odd phrasing let the author down but the ideas are good and the delivery could easily be improved with more thorough checking. I will be looking out for more from Storysman. Ratings for "Sleepwalker" Technical merit 6 Plot & character 8 Appeal to reviewer 8 -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us | | Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | \ .../assm/faq.html> /