Message-ID: <1567eli$9706211422@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: Path: qz!not-for-mail Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: From: Celeste801@aol.com Subject: Celestial Reviews 192 - June 21 X-Is-Review: yes Celestial Reviews 192 - June 21, 1997 Note: Here's a very short story that arrived too late to be considered for the Second Third Annual Celestial Short Story Contest. It's by a person who doesn't want to be associated with this group. Its title is "Energizer Bunny." The world was stunned by the news, today, of the death of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately 8:42 pm last evening. Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going and going and going, "Pinkie," as he was known to his friends and relatives, was alone at the time of death. An autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief Medical Examiner, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone had put Mr. Bunny's batteries in backwards, and he kept coming, and coming and coming... Second note: Remember the Blow Job Principle: We are in danger of losing some of our best authors. I am aware of at least two people who say they are ready to throw in the towel simply because they get so little feedback from readers. If you rarely or never respond to authors, then THIS IS YOUR FAULT! What in the world do you think keeps an author going? You can call it ego or whatever you want to call it. I call it the Blow Job Principle. Simply stated, if a person expects to get a second blow job, the recipient should make the giver glad to have performed the first. Applied to these stories, if you like a story, take the trouble to say so. Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to improve. If they give up and go away, that's fine with me. But there are good writers who have already abandoned this newsgroup and others who will do so, because there's nothing in it for them. I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors. But if you enjoy a story that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the author some feedback? I don't think most authors want idle flattery; but they write stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction - for example, they may want to make people happy. They'll never know they have succeeded unless somebody tells them so. Third note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste "Claire Wanted It" by MrSpraycan (bondage) 9, 8, 6 "Twist" by Seurat (short femdom stories) 10, 10, 10 "Getting Lucky" by Dafney DeWitt (con game for sex) 10, 10, 10 "Hot Throbbing Cliches!" by Deekoo L. (humor) 9, 8, 10 "Teacher" by Anne018 (hot ff sex) 10, 10, 10 "Alt.Gilligan's Island" by Leo Sanderson (sitcom parody) 8, 10, 10 "Lunchtime Vignette" by Rajah Dodger (D&s) 10, 9, 9 "Shagger" by BronwenSM (prostitute humor) 10, 8, 8 "Shelly's Trial" by Mike Hunt (sexy court proceedings) 10, 10, 10 "Juan Carlos, King of Spain" by Walter Mitty (exotic threesome) 9.5, 10, 10 * "Oh What a Trip" by James Boswell (spouse watching) 9, 7, 5 * "Marie" by Friar Dave (emerging adolescence) 10, 10, 10 * = Repost of a previous review (because the story has recently been reposted). "Claire Wanted It" by MrSpraycan (mrspraycan.an@edtec.com). Claire's friends have laid firm grasp to her and are waving handcuffs in front of her. She screams for them to let her go, but they have her boyfriend's word for it, and her personal journal: Claire wants this to happen to her. This can either be the most humiliating and frightening experience of her young life, or a fantastic liberation. Since the other three women are all teachers, Claire realizes she had better do as they say. Teachers always do what's best for you. We don't actually get to see the main humiliation - just the plans Claire's coven of friends make for her. I guess if you think pain and humiliation are really sexy, you might really enjoy this story. I found it to be much ado about nothing. I couldn't decide whether the author expected me to regard Claire's friends as people with twisted personalities who either really dislike Claire or to think that it makes sense to carry out in public fantasies that are obviously ludicrous. I do NOT think that people who write or enjoy stories like this necessarily have emotional problems, but people who act this way in real life would certainly deserve help rather than cooperation. Ratings for "Claire Wanted It" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5 "Twist" by Seurat (dantedibby@aol.com). This is a collection of twenty very short stories, all of them with an interesting twist of some kind (hence, the title). Some of them I reviewed for my Second Third Annual Celestial Story Contest. My favorite (slightly over 800 words - therefore not a qualifier for the Contest) was Number XX, which deals satirically with the problems inherent in being a mistress with slaves for whom one is responsible. Ratings for "Twist" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Getting Lucky" by Dafney DeWitt (dafneydewitt@juno.com). Fuller has a foolproof plan for getting free sex from hookers in Las Vegas. He realistically fakes having a winning lottery ticket. Then he lets her ("the mark," I guess) see the winning ticket by letting her be present when he fakes the win. Then he enjoys the sex, pretends to fall asleep, and lets her steal the ticket. Only a really foolish prostitute would pass on this opportunity. What could go wrong with a perfect plan like that? OK, so what could go wrong after that went wrong? OK, so what could go wrong after that went wrong? OK.... This author's stories are invariably well written. Recently this author has posted several stories with a con game focus. This is by far the best of that series. Ratings for "Getting Lucky" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Hot Throbbing Cliches!" by Deekoo L. (tpyb@extractor.com). This was described in the alphabet soup on the title line as [mff, parody]. "Mff" is also what Kelli said while she tried to suck dry the narrator's engorged rod in her luscious mouth. I feel awkward taking this story so seriously. This story is not very realistic: there are no 17-year-old nuns; and even if there are a few of them and even if these happen to be sex crazed, none of them would be named Sister Mary-World; and even if one does have that name, she wouldn't piss on Kelli's foot while she {to whomever that refers - how's that for correct but awkward grammar?} is trying to swallow a 16-inch cock, even if one exists. I have trouble rating humorous stories that base part of their humor on being deliberately bad. If this story is this bad by accident, I apologize and wish sweet dreams to the author. Otherwise, I recommend this as a very funny mmffff parody. Ratings for "Hot Throbbing Cliches!" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Teacher" by Anne018 (Anne018bi@aol.com). One of my favorite approaches for hot sex stories is to have two scenes going at one time. Mark Aster does this by having Our Hero make love to one of the Allen sisters while the other sister has passionate sex nearby with someone else. The author alternates between descriptions of both couples, and often the participants are motivated by something one of the others does. Many authors achieve a similar effect by focusing on voyeurism: one couple gets hot and bothered while watching another couple making love. Plainman sometimes has three sequences nested in his narratives. The present story uses a similar technique: While Anne is taking a walk with Sandy, she describes to Sandy her experience of visiting another person to help that person and a friend get over a cold feet problem during their first-time lesbian tryst. While you and I read the story, we get turned on by the hands-on assistance Anne offers to the other couple; and meanwhile Sandy has removed her top, her nipples have hardened, they have reached a quiet place by the lake, and my pussy is becoming moist. In other words, the author combines the two sets of activities very effectively, and the effect on the reader can be very nice indeed. In short, at the most intense point of action, Anne is watching the two novices and is getting all turned on, while she is fingering her pussy and giving them instructions. Those two people are lost in heavenly rapture. Sandy, who is getting hot and bothered listening to Anne retell this story, begins to respond by removing some of her clothes and becoming increasingly intimate with the storyteller. Anne is getting turned on both by recalling the original incident and by what Sandy is doing to her. As the story continues, these different storylines combine and interact. Meanwhile, I as the reader, am experiencing all of the above. Like I said, it's an interesting approach. One thing that I found to be really irritating in this story is that both the person to whom Anne is narrating this story and one of the novices to whom Anne gave instructions are named Sandy. In real life this could happen, of course; but in fiction, why not help the reader out by using two different names? Occasionally, I would hear someone asking, "Did Sandy do this?" Sometimes I had to stop and think which Sandy was talking. In general, however, the context helped me out, so that this wasn't as big a problem as it might have been. My advice to the author is to use the Replace function on her word processor to change the novice Sandy to Penelope or Rachel or maybe even Yvette. Ratings for "Teacher" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Alt.Gilligan's Island" by Leo Sanderson (leonsan@rocketmail.com). I guess I haven't given it all that much thought, but those people from the Three Hour Ride must have eventually been on that island for nearly 10 years. The author of this story assumes that clothing rots away over a period of 10 years and that a person who does all the shit work for everyone else might develop quite a physique as a result of the physical activity. He also makes the perhaps tenuous assumption that Gilbert (!) Gilligan has a ten-inch penis. Well, to make a short story even shorter, Mary Ann and Ginger decide to have fun with Gilligan and the Skipper. 'Nuff said. Ratings for "Alt.Gilligan's Island" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Lunchtime Vignette" by Rajah Dodger (rdodger@hotmail.com). Are there really guys in the world that would show up for a lunchtime appointment with a woman who is going to essentially torture them and send them back to work? I was going to further ask whether there are woman who would actually enjoy doing this, but I know the answer to the second question is yes. However, they are not very nice women. Ratings for "Lunchtime Vignette" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Shagger" by BronwenSM (bronwensm@cuckoo.clara.net). This is more of an elaborate humorous anecdote than a short story. While they are visiting New York, Shagger and his mates {Brit term for blokes who are friends} get high on coke and Shagger decides he wants a great-big-black-hooker. So they play a joke on Shagger, but he still gets the best fucking blow-job he ever had. As I read this story, I said to myself, "This is plausible enough to be true." I later received a note from the author that said that really was the case. Ratings for "Shagger" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 The following is a Special Guest Review by Piper (a regular contributor to a.s.s. under another name). "Juan Carlos, King of Spain" by Walter Mitty (wwmitty@aol.com). His highness, King Juan Carlos, Sovereign Ruler over the lands of Spain, is entertaining himself with his favorite concubine, Serrafina, Queen of the Gypsies. A visitor enters his court. No, not a visitor. A prisoner. It is the beautiful Isabella, his captive princess, come to pay her respects. She is greeted warmly, yet with reserve, for a king must not show eagerness. He must rule with a firm hand and a firm staff. Rising gracefully, he extends his hand ... "Hey Mitty, you still with us?" Jessica, Walter's wife, a.k.a. Serrafina, breaks him out of his little daydream. Again. Isabella, Serra's (Jessica's) friend from college, is visiting for a week. There is no question of her looking like a queen, however, with her bountiful breasts, narrow waist, and generous bottom. Walter starts drifting again... In this story, Walter Mitty is the narrator. His favorite fantasy, if you hadn't guessed it already, is that he's the King of Spain and his wife is guess-who. He can also drift off into fantasy land at the least provocation. One of his secret desires is to have a threesome with another woman. After all, he reasons, haven't all the Kings of Spain had mistresses? His wife, however, has been against the idea. Walter doesn't really blame her either. After all, he wouldn't want to share their bed with another man. Things can change. Seeing Isabella brings back fond memories for Jessica, memories of some wild times the two women shared back in their school days. That, a few joints, and a couple of bottles of Merlot, sets the stage for a dream come true, and is the start of a pretty good story. Walter indulges in his fantasies as both women indulge in themselves and in him. This is a quiet, gentle kind of story, one to make you happy and warm. While fuzzy and euphemistic in some places and graphic and detailed in others, the author does a nice job of balancing the fantasy elements with the reality of having three in a bed. A good read for late at night snuggled up close to someone. The only thing that disturbs the easy flow of Mitty's narration is an occasional language or word error. There aren't many, but they're kind of like potholes in an otherwise smooth road, jarring and unexpected. Things like "wive's" rather than "wife's". I admit, this is a minor quibble, but a good story like this deserves to have that last little bit of polish. Thanks, Mitty. Rating: Technical merit 9.5 Plot & character 10 Appeal to reviewer 10 "Shelly's Trial" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). The author introduced the eponymous but enticing Shelly in "Shelly's Sex Life" reviewed in CR 188. If you missed that story, you should find it and read it before this one. Otherwise you're stuck with the author's two-bit synopsis to bring you up to date. The narrator's sex education program has been successful, and Shelly has become a veritable sex kitten for her husband. However, since he's a simple minded financial genius, he has suspected that there must be a reason for the change in his wife and has become upset over her "infidelity" (which was really sexual therapy) and is suing for divorce. The plot evolves through courtroom testimony. A particularly interesting device (for storytelling, that is) is the courtroom transcript, which is read by one of those sexy young ladies who so often serve as civil servants in American courtrooms and engage in mild bondage with judges and witnesses during recesses. Incidentally, this stenographer eventually turns the tables on Mike - er, the desk - that is, she turns Mike on the desk- you know: one of those rolltop desks that sometimes have handcuffs in one of the draws. I am not going to summarize this story any further. I am not even going to explain the meaning of this line: "Then you're going to eat my cunt while I blow MIKE HUNT." Read it yourself and enjoy it! This story fulfilled one of my fantasies. I love it when this happens. The author fed me a straight line. At the end of the story, the author has ten Notes to Authors, which contain information and advice based on the main text of the story. Well, it almost makes me cum when I say this, but I have an eleventh note for this author. #11 Note to Authors #11: "I like my sex gentle and consentual." It's consensual, not consentual. Consensual means that the person doing it has given her/his consent. Consentual is actually a word and has a similar meaning but implies a formal, legally binding agreement. I've read this author's stories. Mike Hunt has never had consentual sex in his life - except, perhaps, for a few minor exceptions with his lovely wife, June. I continue to be impressed by the creativity of this author! Ratings "Shelly's Trial" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Oh What a Trip" by James Boswell (skipper@usa.pipeline.com). This is billed by the author as "Another Hot Wife Tale." Because several other authors mentioned Boswell as an inspiration for one or another of their own stories, I downloaded several of his stories; and I have not yet regretted it. The grammar in this story is screwed up on purpose - the narrator is supposed to be talking like a stereotypical hillbilly from North Carolina, probably somewhere near Mayberry R.F.D. The author carries this off nicely. The gist of the plot as that some Yankee preppies come Down Home and start lusting after the narrator's frisky young wife. Though she loves her husband with endless devotion, she offers to frolic in the sack with one of these gents, because she knows it will please her husband to see her riding that sweet Yankee cock. Well, actually, she gang bangs with all four of the visitors while her hubby watches from a secluded spot nearby. Although this story is clearly written, it does little that's creative with the basic spouse-watching theme. For my own part, I'm still not convinced that it would be all that hot to bang away mindlessly with four strangers while my husband hid in a corner and watched. I personally think Boswell writes best when he gets off the wife-watching theme. I think his two best stories are "Love Deeply Missed" and "Christmas with the Andersons." Nevertheless, Boswell obviously likes to write about slutty wives, and I guess that's what he's famous for. His two best stories of that genre that I have encountered are "Those Ex-Wife Blues" and "Giving Him What He Wants." Ratings for "Oh What a Trip" Athena (technical quality): 9 Venus (plot & character): 7 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5 * "Marie" by Friar Dave. When she was a little under 11 years old and had a body that was a bit advanced for her age, Marie made an important discovery. She could become close to and even have sex with nice men, and she could turn them on and still have them treat her right, and it could be fun and sweet and pleasurable and not hateful or hurtful or scary. The problem was that soon she loved sex, and she was used to getting it pretty much when she wanted it. And she was often horny as hell. To use Marie's own expression, she was making Lolita look like a nun. Marie's initial sexual contacts were with boys near her own age. She quickly graduated to more mature boys and to adult men. Once she had experienced the more mature partners, she lost interest in younger boys. She progresses to numerous hot, sexy adventures. If we accept this as fiction - a nice story - then we're OK. If we look at it as a case study - which is the format the author uses - then our choices are to regard this story as either (1) a very unusual set of circumstances or (2) a far-fetched fantasy. The FACT is that there is an overwhelming tendency for girls who become sexually active this young to have adult lives that are at best far below their potential at and worst just plain miserable. I have worked with kids who have been sexually active. I am not talking about "kids" who get married and start a family when they are 17. I am talking about kids who start having constant sex when they are under 12 years old. In general, when they become adults, they have no idea what real love is about. They've lost their childhood. They almost invariably either drop out of school or just sit in a desk until the law permits them to leave. They enter into a series of shallow sexual relationships as adults, and they almost never have what a sensible person would call a stable family. My guess is that by their fiftieth birthday half of the kids I have known like this will be dead after an unhappy life. I also serve as an informal counselor to a large number of well-adjusted teenagers (by being the sponsor of various organizations), and my impression is that the sexual experiences of these kids begin much later in life. Articles and case studies published in scientific journals confirm my perception. It's possible that I'm getting a biased sample in my real life contacts. I work with kids who are dysfunctional, and so maybe I just don't see the well-adjusted kids who have been having frequent sex since they were 11 years old. It's POSSIBLE that the world is full of wonderful children like Marie who become sexually active before they turn 11, who are never sexually exploited, and whose lives are not permanently screwed up because of their early sexual experiences. These kids would not come to my attention, because they look like normal kids and don't advertise the fact that they're fucking one another's brains out when I'm not looking. It's also important to note that even with the dysfunctional kids it may be the problems in the rest of their lives that lead to early sexual behavior rather than vice versa. What I most emphatically want to say is that I do NOT believe that any of you readers who started your sexual careers at a really early age are necessarily scarred for life because of this. On the other hand, I hope you have the honesty to admit that maybe life would be better were it not for some early problems and mistakes. Marie discovered early in this story that sex could be fun and sweet and pleasurable and not hateful or hurtful or scary. I learned the same thing from my mother and from the happy environment in which I grew up. Mom didn't let me look at porn magazines when I was really young, because they would "give me a wrong impression of sex and love." My father and mother were very affectionate in front of us, and I knew that someday I might get lucky and have a similar relationship. She knew what kinds of movies I watched and casually offered me advice, including the encouragement to "save myself" for somebody I truly loved. I had a full childhood and a happy athletic career in high school; and I cannot imagine my sex life being much better than it is right now - except when I get interesting ideas from these stories. My advice to my own daughters has been similar; and had I ever suspected that one of them was engaging in precocious sexual behavior I would have done what I could have done to lead her to a more adaptive lifestyle. Having stated my personal philosophy in the previous paragraphs, now I'll say that this is still an excellent story. It's "realistic" in the sense that these events COULD happen to a person that would grow up to be a normal, functioning adult. And if you read the whole story, I think you'll discover that Marie's eventual opinion of her life story is not all that different from my own. The story is also just plain enjoyable - even to a person like myself who would discourage such behavior in real life. I have close friends and relatives who adamantly insist that anything that's immoral, unwise, or unrealistic cannot be enjoyable. That's just plain stupid. When I watch Star Wars, I don't worry about the impact on their families of killing the storm troopers of the Evil Empire. When I watch a movie about a clever bank robbery, I don't worry about the fact that such activity would ultimately influence how banks would operate and probably cause hardship for families with marginal incomes. Get real! It would be fun to rob a bank and get away with it (although I would never do it and it couldn't really be harmless in real life), and it would also be fun for a 12-year-old to pull a train with a bunch of friendly 16-year-olds. Not wise, perhaps, but certainly fun. Some people cite this as Friar Dave's best story. I liked "Inger" better, but this one is still an excellent story. Ratings for "Marie" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us | | Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | \ .../assm/faq.html> /