Message-ID: <1197eli$9706041243@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: Path: qz!news.accessus.net!not-for-mail X-Path-Preload: news.accessus.net preloaded to thwart rogue canceller there Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: From: Celeste801@aol.com Subject: Celestial Reviews 187 - June 4 X-Is-Review: yes Celestial Reviews 187 - June 4, 1997 Note: The deadline for the Third Annual Celestial Writing Contest has come and gone. Actually, the Third Annual contest took place last year; and so the present contest is either the Fourth Annual Contest or the Second Third Annual Contest. I posted the list of stories received for this contest in CR 186, but somehow that posting got delayed, and so I am reposting CR 186, reposting the list of stories in this issue (with several additions that have arrived since I wrote that issue), and extending the deadline slightly. So if you have a sex story of 500 words or less, you can submit it by June 7 and still be eligible for the honors inherent in winning this prestigious prize. Here is the list of stories I THINK I have received for this contest. I would appreciate it if people who have submitted stories would check the list below to make sure I have their entries correctly listed. Sometimes stories have not been labeled clearly, and sometimes I just plain get confused. Note that in order for a story to be considered a contest entry, the author him/herself must submit it and state that it is for the contest. An example of an unacceptable entry would be a repost of one of Deirdre's short stories without her permission or a story that appears on a.s.s. or a.s.s.m. that happens to be under the size limit. For example, an author recently posted a humorous anecdote that would have fallen within the word limit but was not labeled as an entry for the contest. Likewise, the following story will not be accepted as an entry, even though it is less {actually, fewer} than 500 words: "I need a big stiff dick inside of me! Please cum to my site and shoot your wad all over my face! I've got lots of HOT pics for you to see! Get some hand loti and get ready to blow!!" If an author wants to be in this contest, he/she has to tell me so. In order to avoid mistakes, I am listing here (in general alphabetical order) all the stories that I THINK have been submitted for this contest. "Am I Only Dreaming?" by Paddy Toute "B----'s Lover" by Eli-the-Bearded "Bees" by Mat Twassel "Civility" by Mark Aster "Confessions of Lust" by Anon747 "Daisy" by John Thomas "Dune What Comes Naturally" by Jeanette Brennan "Foodie" by Plainman "The Game" by Michael Ellis "The Harpooner" by MrSpraycan "The Houseguest" by DG "If..." by Mary's Brother "In Your Own Sweet Way" by Walter Caulder "Listening to the Neighbors" by Renae Nicks "My Trusted Friend" by BronwenSM "The Phone Call" by Gregarious "Playing Pool" by BronwenSM "Poe" by Seurat "Ships that Parse in the Night" by John Thomas "Spaced Out" by John Thomas "What Choice? by Mal "Windmill Saga" by Robert Brennan "Yardstick" by John Thomas Three entries by Mike Hunt Five stories by Tom Bombadil "Teasers" by Vickie Tern (several eligible entries) "Twist" by Seurat (several eligible entries) Stephanie {the winner of my first two "annual" contests} has promised me an entry but has not yet submitted it. If you think stories should be added to or deleted from this list, please contact me. In the next issue I'll post a list of all the entries, and the authors should repost their stories. Readers who wish to do so will be encouraged to send the input to me or to comment through a.s.s.d. I'll allow myself to be influenced by this discussion, but the final decision will be mine. Second Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com. - Celeste "Cape And Cowl" by Ann Douglas (ff bat sex) 10, 10, 10 "Photos" by Luc7557 (enforced voyeurism) 10, 10, 10 "Three Wishes" by Sandmann (magical breast growth) 10, 9, 9 "Hot! International! Gay!" by Andrew Hicks (book review) 10, 10, 10 "Conversation" by Christopher '95 (really bizarre sex) 10, 10, 10 "Bimbo Twins in Outer Space" by Leo Sanderson (sex in outer space) 7, 6, 9 * "Peach Pit After Hours" by Roger P. Tipe (gang rape) 9.5, 9, 8 * "Conversation" by Sandmann (sex fantasies & inhibitions) 10, 10, 10 * = Repost of a previous review (because the story has recently been reposted) "Cape And Cowl" by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net). Here we're back to Supergirl as I know and love her. At the beginning of the story, a small jet is in extreme danger. The Girl of Steel, who happens to be in the area delivering a heart for a transplant operation, rescues the pilot and passenger by bringing the jet in for a gentle landing. By sheer chance, the passenger on the jet happens to be Barbara Gordon, junior congressional representative from Gotham City, whose secret identity is Batgirl. The loss of the engines on the jet was no accident; it was sabotage by evil agents of Quraq. Supergirl and Batgirl quickly combine to subdue Crimson Rose, the main Quaraqi agent; and then they disclose their mutual attraction to each other. Then a good time is had by all. This is a very nice story. I guess you could say it's not great literature - just a kids' comic book story that happens to be banned for children. But this author does a great job of setting up a plot with details that are both interesting and consistent. In addition, the sex between the two superheroes seemed perfectly plausible to me. The aspect that I like best about Ann Douglas's stories is that her characters have genuinely interesting personalities. Ratings for "Cape And Cowl" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Photos" by Luc7557 (Luc7557@aol.com). Madeline is a prominent author of erotic stories, perhaps on this very newsgroup. She has a cyberlover in England, but she has no erotic photos to send him. So she has asked Luc and his faithful sidekick Gena to come to her house and take some photos. The rules are that Luc and Gena will just take photos - no funny business - nobody will even touch Madeline. However, Madeline still seems a bit shy - she's hesitant to disrobe for the camera. No problem, says Gena, as she whips off her clothes; how can Madeline be nervous if the photographer's assistant agrees to go naked for this photo shoot? And so, two hours later they have enough pictures to enable her to e-mail Chris one a day with his breakfast until his next visit. But wait a minute! Suddenly Gena has snapped handcuffs and bondage shoes onto Madeline. Are they going to violate the terms of engagement? No way! They could get bounced from the Erotic Photographers Union for pulling a stunt like that. They just want a captive audience. Maybe next time Madeline can join in. But tonight Luc and Gena just want her to watch - to watch, to listen, and to imagine." Ah, Gena gets really hot, and they change the rules, but not too much.... Well, there's always next time. This is a good story. I found the second person ("you") point of view to be extremely irritating. As I progressed through the first part of the story, I assumed I would have to dock the author several points somewhere for this silly approach. But the overall story turned out so good that I couldn't decide where to dock him. Instead I decided to give him straight 10's but to make a point about the point of view. It seems to me that the author probably wrote this story for somebody else - probably somebody named Madeline. Madeline probably had about twelve orgasms while she read the story and e-mailed back something like, "This is really good! You oughta publish it!" And so he did. The problem is that the story would have been better had Luc considered that the other people reading this story would not be Madelines. In fact, some of them would be guys. These future audiences would be likely to find the original point of view (which was great for Madeline) to be distracting. I can see no reason whatsoever (other than that it would take time) that this story couldn't be told in the third person. Some authors (e.g., Plainman) do great things with the first-and-second-person narratives; but they work hard to make these "persons" have personality. This author does not do that. He just insists that the reader take the point of view of Madeline. I don't think that's a good strategy. On a completely different topic - For those of you who have no kids yet, let me say that you are in for a thrill. As soon as you or your beloved gives birth to a progeny, somehow the photo companies will get your name and they'll lay siege to your domicile, offering you wonderful prices on pictures of your cute little bundle of joy. Knowing that your baby is more beautiful than any other, you'll sign up with one of these photographers for the bargain package; but then your sweet little son or daughter will refuse to smile or look remotely natural during the photo session. Strategies analogous to those employed in this story may come in handy on that occasion. Ratings for "Photos" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Three Wishes" by Sandmann. The man goes to the remote island of Tonga to write a story about a Shaman who lives there. The Shaman, of course, had received an MBA at an American university before he returned to the island to carry on the family tradition. Since the Shaman values his privacy, in return for the interviewer's promise to keep quiet about where he found him, the Shaman grants the interviewer three wishes. The man's first wish is for unlimited money; his second is for his girlfriend's breast size to increase; and he delays his third till later {the Shaman says he can mail it in}. To be more specific, for his second wish he wants to be able to make his girlfriend's breasts larger; but he wants this process to be absolutely safe for her, and he wants the growth to be under his control." In granting the wish, the Shaman adds just one condition: there will be but a single hour during which he can cause Becky's breasts to grow, and then only as she experiences orgasm. When he gets home, the fun begins. Becky starts the lovemaking session as a size A, but by the final twenty minutes she has progressed beyond size F. Of course that's only an estimate; it might be better to use NBA standards, since the tits seem to resemble basketballs. This may sound like a freak show performance, but Becky enjoys it immensely - and there's always that third wish in abeyance. Sign from Heaven Department: I just found this Three Wishes Joke on rec.humor. I apologize to my blonde sisters. Insert whatever you want in place of the three blondes : There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island. The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island. The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge. {End of Joke} If I myself had to make three wishes, I would, of course, wish first that love and peace would spread throughout the entire world. My second wish would be for an infinite supply of wishes. My third wish I would save to cancel the other two, just in case I screwed up. Ratings for "Three Wishes" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Hot! International! Gay!" by Andrew Hicks. This was recently posted by Eli the Bearded under the title "(Humor) what's your bag baby?" It's not really a "story," and so it really shouldn't be a target for my reviews; but then, as a belligerent critic recently pointed out, my "reviews" aren't really reviews either. Therefore, as a compromise I'll call this little gem to your attention but make it ineligible for the coveted monthly and yearly awards. Apparently Andrew Hicks has a comedy diary called "Yet Another Year in the Life of a Nerd," which is somehow associated with the web site at http://www.missouri.edu/~c667778. Mr. Hicks seems to have come across a book entitled "Hot! International! Gay!" which claims to translate common sexual phrases (especially those most needed by gay men) into seven languages. I found his comedic treatment of this book to be hilarious. Ratings for "Hot! International! Gay!" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Conversation" by Christopher '95 (A+ Story). This one is hard to describe. It's bizarre - like a dream. An extremely beautiful woman whom he has never seen before joins Martin at his table in the restaurant. "Do you love me?" she asks in a low, husky voice. "I don't even know who you are," answers Martin. "Know me?" replies the woman; "I didn't ask if you knew me. I asked if you loved me. Do you love me? Do you want to?" Then she asks if she can please sleep with him. She promises never to say no. And she doesn't. This is a strange but strangely fascinating story. Sandmann wrote another story with this same title. It was also bizarre, but not as far gone as this one. I'll repost that review, and maybe Sandmann will repost his story. Ratings for "Conversation" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "Bimbo Twins in Outer Space" by Leo Sanderson (leonsan@rocketmail.com). Sometimes I just plain admire people that know their limitations. As I glanced at this title, I suspected that the author of this story probably did not believe he had written a masterpiece. He probably thought he was writing a rather inane satire on science fiction stories that seem to thrive on sexual innuendo. The action takes place on a spacecraft that has 100 male crew members and 6 robots, plus twin female officers dressed in the standard uniform of gold and blue bikini bra and thong panties, thigh-high sheer black hose and spike heel booties. {You may think that this uniform would interfere with the responsibilities of the eponymous twins, but an engineering student once explained to me that physical designs desirable on earth may not be equally desirable in a weightless environment. The student was speaking of the design of the Starship Enterprise, but the reference to Barbarella below seems equally relevant.} Sean and Sia Barbie have magnificent bodies with 38D cup breasts: full and firm with perfect pink nipples cresting each mound, "allways" erect; they {the breasts, I think} seemed to be the cherries on top of a mound of vanilla ice cream, waiting to be sucked into a warm mouth and enjoyed. Well, I guess the author has more in common with Larry Flint than Isaac Asimov. My husband likes to tease my brother-in-law (a conservative Vietnam veteran) by discussing the merits of a movie called "Barbarella" - a completely stupid movie with no discernible plot in which Jane Fonda does nothing much other than fondle her own body in outer space. This story reminds me of "Barbarella." I have to admit, I've had some really great orgasms during "Barbarella," but not because of anything I was directly observing on the screen. Ratings for "Bimbo Twins in Outer Space" Athena (technical quality): 7 Venus (plot & character): 6 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 * "Conversation" by Sandmann (bd654@scn.org). This story begins as a conversation between two women about the sex life of one of them, who mentions that she is sexually uninhibited. A stranger at a nearby table jumps into the conversation and asks her to explain what she means by "uninhibited." Her friend leaves, and the woman continues the discussion with the stranger. This is a fascinating combination of a theoretical discussion and sexual fantasies. It's a Platonic dialogue run amok! As you know, I enjoy "discovering" that various a.s.s. authors are "really" someone else. For example, I have discussed at length my theory that Deirdre is actually Sherwood Anderson reincarnated. More recently, I speculated that Harper Lee is the real author of "Tomboy," which was falsely attributed to Jordan Shelbourne. If I recall correctly, I once even exposed J.D. Salinger posting on a.s.s. Plainman is obviously a pseudonym for John Updike. I also suspect that some authors on this newsgroup post under more than one name. The present story is a case in point. This story bears an uncanny stylistic resemblance to the work of another excellent author whose work I have reviewed here in the past. However, since the author may have some reason for wanting to conceal this dual identity, I am not going to disclose the other name under which I think this author writes. If you want to 'fess up or speculate, you can contact me by e-mail. This is a thoroughly enjoyable story! Ratings for "Conversation" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "Peach Pit After Hours" by Roger P. Tipe (rogrtipe@ix.netcom.com). Rocco and his gang of thugs burst into the Peach Pit After Dark. Rocco puts a gun to Brenda's head and tells Val to hand over all the money, or he'll blow Brenda's brains out. Since Val doesn't like Brenda anyway, she replies , "Fuck you!" Not really wanting a murder rap, Rocco changes tactics and announces that instead of killing Brenda he and the guys are going to rape everyone unless Val turns over the money. This is supposed to scare Val, but instead it turns her on; and besides, she likes the feeling of power and control that Rocco has given her over her sexy little friends. So what we have here is a prolonged gang rape, with 30 or so scuzzy gang members banging the Beverly whores. Val herself escapes relatively unscathed, but rumor has it that she'll get hers in the sequel. I guess as gang-rape stories go this was a pretty good one. I think if I were a 90210 fan I might have caught some more of the allusions and enjoyed some inside comments that I might have missed. Ratings for "Peach Pit After Hours" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us | | Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | \ .../assm/faq.html> /