Message-ID: <1036eli$9705311602@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: Path: qz!news.accessus.net!not-for-mail X-Path-Preload: news.accessus.net preloaded to thwart rogue canceller there Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded X-Story-Submission: From: M1KEHUNT@aol.com Subject: Four Letter Words - by MIKE HUNT Dear Lurker: I've been trying to come up with a new way to touch your life, if not your wallet, but all I've come up with are these dumb short stories. You see Celeste, of 'Celestial Reviews' fame, is having a Short Story Contest, and I heard there's a big prize for the best one. Boy wouldn't that make all this shit worthwhile! So I've taken keyboard in hand and have knocked out three entries. They're really crappy, but you never know. I get real close every year in the Ed McMahon sweepstakes just by ordering 50 or so magazines! The titles of my three entries are "Memo", "Rant", and "Quiz." They're all four-letter words. Maybe I'll get extra credit. I posted "Memo" a couple weeks ago, and I e-mailed the others to friends on my list a while back. I'm posting them all together here because I think I have to do that to be eligible, and because I haven't posted anything in almost four days. I'm trying to cut back slowly. Anyway, things always seem to work better in "threes". That's why there's always a minister, a priest, and a rabbi. I figure posting three will improve my odds with Celeste. That's not likely I suppose, but I have at least as good a shot as winning something from fucking Ed McMahon. M1KE * * * Contest Entry #1: "Memo" M1KE HUNT ENTERPRISES Interoffice Memo To: Ivonna Ardon Ivan Athole Howie Balzer Les Bian Harry Box Dick Butkus Oliver Clothesoff The Dickner Bros: Iben, Uben, and Heben Fonda Dix Neal Downe Ben Dover Dick Dragon C. Howie Fartz Wilma Fingerdo P. Freely Peter Grabber Mike Hawk Richard Hed Dick Hertz Ima Hore Betty Humpter Buster Hyman Haywood Jablome Hugh Jazz Jack Kanoff Connie Lingus Phillip Llerenas Mike Lit Pat McCann Phil McGroin Jack Mehoff Craven Morehead Dick Nibbler Mike Ocksucker Harry Puzey Ivan Recshin Ophelia Self R. Sole Ann L. Sphincter Dick Spitzalot Dick Swett Jenny Talia Kandy Thys Tess Tichols Dickie Trickle Eric Tzhun Peter Wacker Albert Zweiner From: M1KE HUNT Re: Leftovers I see we have a couple of "remainders" just sitting around, and as you know, we're falling behind schedule. I've already talked to Mr. Hed about his habit of hiring a hooker for the office every Wednesday. And while I may have stood in the circle and gotten a blowjob with the rest of you, it's time to get to work. No finger pointing. Or any other digit, please. For all our sakes, take these random intros and see if you can turn them into something for Celeste's Short Story contest: INTRO #1: Her head was nestled between my legs. She was licking my balls with a fury I had rarely seen before today. She kept at it for at least five minutes even though I asked her to stop. I grabbed my long hard shaft and turned toward her, threatening her with it. "How the hell am I going to improve my pitching wedge if that fucking collie won't take my practice balls out of her mouth?" I wondered. I have a big tournament this weekend....(Please attach rest of story) INTRO #2: I spread apart those well turned legs looking for that divine honey pot that I knew was sure to be there. My practiced eye traveled up one leg until I spotted it. Sure enough, "Miller's Honey Box" was stamped on the side and I knew I had found another antique treasure from the 1920's. The sturdy little piece of furniture had stood quietly in the back of the store... (Please attach rest of story) INTRO #3: It was a dark and stormy night... (On second thought, skip this one. It's a stupid opening and totally unbelievable anyway.) Which brings me to my last point. We have to stop using dumb openings to these things. Just get the disclaimer out of the way and get on with the action. Our customer satisfaction ratings have slipped from 97% to 95.3% in the latest J.D. Powers survey, and I think our "too clever" openings may have something to do with it. And use a simple disclaimer, like: *Under 18? Go away.* That'd do it. OK, let's get to work. Oh, and Dick, please report to my office. It's Wednesday. Thanks M1KE BTW: In case you're wondering, we had to let Hugh G. Rection go. He just didn't fit in. * * * Contest Entry #2 Here is another entry for Celeste's Short Story Contest. The first entry probably didn't count anyway, 'cause it wasn't really a story. It was just a memo, which we all see too many of. This one isn't a story either. It's more of a rant, but what the fuck. Rules are made to be broken. Except the one that says you should be 18 to read it. "Rant" - by MIKE HUNT There's a line from a song running through my mind and it's a lyric I just can't get out of my head, like a melody you hear on the jukebox in the afternoon and you're still thinking about it at night when you're minding your own business just walking down a neighborhood street on a warm summer night and you see a nice looking girl who you don't even know with a skirt that's simply too goddamn tight and her ass is wiggling with every step and you just can't believe that women are so fucking attractive and that they have such power over you or maybe it's just that you're weak but you're too shy to do anything about it anyway and then you get that familiar twitch in your loins and you start to get hard and you can't help the fantasy that comes into your brain but your societal taboos hold you in check while what you really want is to get nasty and just grab her and run out behind the building and rip her clothes off and ravish her and lick her entire body and try to memorize every hill and valley of her soft supple skin while she lies there in the passion of the moment as you suck on her glowing breasts and she reaches up and unzips your pants with one hand while she reaches inside with the other and grabs your erection with her cool fingers and it feels so good because you know she wants you and you don't even take the time to drop your pants because your dick is sticking straight out of them and it's as angry and hard as you can ever remember and then she pulls her panties to the side as she opens her legs wide and bends her knees and you know that she's waiting and you position yourself directly over her and then you're looking at her and she's looking at you as you're slowly sinking into her soft warm wetness and your cock is enveloped in a tumbler of pleasure and you lose track of time and space and enter a dimension of delight while you stroke back and forth into the slippery wetness of her pussy and you feel the amazing sensations in your cock but know that the pleasure is really in your mind as you build to your own climax too soon and you want to hold off and let these incredible feelings of ecstasy last for hours but you can't help it because it feels so good and then you let go and fill her cunt with your sperm as wave after wave of your sticky white goop shoots into her and you're fucking your own jizz inside her vagina and you keep on thrusting before you collapse exhausted because things like this are just too good to be true. You, darling. You're too good to be true. * * * Contest Entry #3: "Quiz" OK, one last try. I can't seem to do these in story form. I don't know why. Maybe it's the pressure of the 500 word limit or something. I can barely belch in 500 words! Let's try this one. It's not a story either, it's more of a quiz, like you'd find in Elle or something. Like Elle you would. To complete the quiz choose an item from column "A" and match it up with something from column "B". When the quiz is done all items must be chosen. Answers are at the bottom. A perfect score is when you get everything right. The first question is simple, and is used just to get you going: 1) age limit for reading dirty atories A) 18. The answer is 1-A. See? Simple. OK, now they get harder: 2) dick B) cunt 3) penis C) cunt 4) erection D) cunt 5) Mike Hunt E) my cunt 6) June Hunt F) my cunt 7) Celeste G) not my cunt 8) Dworkin H) really not my cunt 9) alt I) cool model Carol who's also not my cunt 10) binaries J) naries who go either way 11) post K) erection 12) posting L) getting an erection 13) redhead M) part of a really nasty erection 14) a.s.s. N) part of female anatomy with misplaced periods 15) cunt O) part of female anatomy with regular periods 16) testicles P) final exam in the "Tickling Teacher" story 17) anus Q) and Andy 18) oral sex R) $3.99 a minute 19) pussy S) furry animal that I love 20) spread T) legs or butter, or both simultaneously 21) fuck me U want to? 22) fuck you V) inappropriate response to #21 23) aureolas W) spell check 24) jugs X) great Scrabble word in mixed company 25) tits Y) even better Scrabble word in mixed company 26) suck my tits Z) special Scrabble award! 27) kinky AA) rhymes with "dinky" 28) pinky BB) looks like my "dinky" 29) slinky CC) I'm not so "dinky" anymore! 30) big tits DD - really big tits 31) Victoria's Secret EE) Victoria is a guy!! 32) balls FF) what Budweiser sponsors on TV 33) adultery GG) what adults do when behaving like teenagers 34) lingerie HH) French for "can you see my breasts?" 35) lactate II) our family after Tate died 36) weird JJ) me 37) asshole KK) the end 38) over LL) and out 39) Copyright MM) 1997 OK Time's up. Total up your score. If you got more than 17 wrong then you're eliminated. Sorry. Perfect scores are rare, but I've had a few. I write about them in my stories. To get them by e-mail send a note to Bannerboy1@aol.com. E-mail regular stuff to M1KE HUNT@aol.com. Note the 2nd character in M1KE is a "one" (1) not an "eye" (I). * * * Well, there they are - my three entries in the Short Story Contest. Not really a story among them, but I still have great hopes. I can't wait for the big contest award ceremony! I hear it's Black Thai, but I found a girl who's a Vietnamese mulatto who I think will pass. -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us | | Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | \ .../assm/faq.html> /